Jerry Lawler Quotes

The important thing is to be drunk.

You don't quite know how drunk you are until all of a sudden you're on the floor.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

A single glass of champagne imparts a feeling of exhilaration. The nerves are braced: the imagination is agreeably stirred; the wits become more nimble. A bottle produces the opposite effect.

I simply don't know how to act as if I am drunk.

It's always difficult to make conversation with a drunk, and there's no denying it, the sober are at a disadvantage with him.

If drunk were cookies, I'd be Famous Amos

I don't have any interest in going out to clubs. I love people, and I love socializing, I just don't have any interest in being drunk.

It would be pleasant to be drunk.

Drunkenness does not create vice; it merely brings it into view.

Promise me one thing: don't take me home until I'm drunk - very drunk indeed.

Alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, may produce all the effects of drunkenness.

Jake 'The Snake's' two best friends are Jim Beam & Jack Daniels.

It was all completely serious, all completely hallucinated, all completely happy.

"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "Ask a glass of water."

And I sat there getting drunker and drunker and more in love and more in love.

I was so drunk the whole time that I took bottles for girls and girls for bottles.

If getting drunk was how people forgot they were mortal, then hangovers were how they remembered.

Macduff: What three things does drink especially provoke? Porter: Marry, sir, nose-painting, sleep, and urine.

Alcohol make you drunk, man. It don't make you meditate, it just make you drunk. Herb is more a consciousness.

Sometimes when you get hammered till the small hours you feel pretty good in the morning, but really it's just because you're still a bit drunk. That old hangover is just toying with you, working out when to bite.

No, Lord Maccon was riproaring, tumble down, without a doubt, pickled beyond the gherkin.

I had been brought up and trained to have the utmost contempt for people who got drunk - and I would have liked to have the boozing scholars of the Universities wheeled into line and properly chastised for their squalid misuse of what I must ever regard as a gift of the gods.