Eddie Vedder Quotes

Sometimes a witticism has no truth behind it.

I am a comedian and you guys know whatever I say, I don't mean any of it.

I only mean forty per cent of what I say.

One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.

There is a single entendre, but I don't know about a triple one.

Puns are the droppings of soaring wits.

The day you hear someone call me captain will be the day I buy a boat.

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

You know what burns me? Matches.

I like when people are trapped in the joke, when there's no escape. I like to lead people down the wrong path and then trap them.

I have wit in my work and a sense of humor, but I do not use irony in any way.

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.

I think the humor of double puns is incredible.

How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked.

The funniest line in English is 'Get it?' When you say that, everyone chortles.

Wit is the epitaph of an emotion.

I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration.

When I went to Everest, I underestimated things. I just didn't know what altitude could do. Or the cold - I especially didn't appreciate the cold. It can be just debilitating, and things can happen so quickly.

A pun is not bound by the laws which limit nicer wit. It is a pistol let off at the ear; not a feather to tickle the intellect.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

A lot of truth is said in jest.

The pun exists in a social and political void, caring nothing for the issues of its day, content merely to display itself in its small cleverness.

A caricature is putting the face of a joke on the body of a truth.

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.