Rob Corddry Quotes

I had to stop drinking alcohol, because I used to wake up nude in front of my car with my keys in my ass.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

It's always difficult to make conversation with a drunk, and there's no denying it, the sober are at a disadvantage with him.

Woke up this morning with a wine glass in my hand. Who's wine, what wine, where the hell did I dine?

I always drank, from when it was legal for me to drink. And there was never a time for me when the goal wasn't to get as hammered as I could possibly afford to. I never understood social drinking, that's always seemed to me like kissing your sister.

Same thing every year, getting up at the crack of dawn, drinking, fighting, throwing up, pissing on walls and then you leave the house and things get bad.

All the damnable degrees Of drinking have you staggered through.

Talking to a drunk person was like talking to an extremely happy, severely brain-damaged three-year-old.

Drunkenness is simply voluntary insanity.

You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When I'm drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes that at a barbeque.

A man who exposes himself when he is intoxicated, has not the art of getting drunk.

I told you, sir, they were red-hot with drinking; so full of valor that they smote the air, for breathing in their faces, beat the ground for kissing of their feet.

Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.

I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.

Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It only kills the brain cells that contain good sense, shame, embarrassment, and restraint.

What was I drinking last night? Furniture polish?

I would fain keep sober always; and there are infinite degrees of drunkenness.

That's what was wrong with drinking too much. You became immune to drunken delights. There was no solace in liquor. Before you got happy, you collapsed.

Give me the effing phone, Strider grumbled, opening his palm and waving his fingers. Effing? William laughed with genuine amusement. You ever realize how polite you get when you're hammered? And you know what they say. A man's true charactor is revealed when he's toasted. So you gotta face facts, man. You're a closet gentlmen. Loser! The heck I am! Even Paris laughed at that.

Ya think that the whiskey tastes good? Try a big cup of sobriety - now that is the good stuff!

Wine has a drastic, an astringent taste. I cannot help wincing as I drink. Ascent of flowers, radiance and heat, are distilled here to a fiery, yellow liquid. Just behind my shoulder-blades some dry thing, wide-eyed, gently closes, gradually lulls itself to sleep. This is rapture. This is relief.

Drunks conjure an endless drama from their bottles.

Alcohol is a very necessary article. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.

I am told by those who know that there are six varieties of hangover-the Broken Compass, the Sewing Machine, the Comet, the Atomic, the Cement Mixer and the Gremlin Boogie, and his manner suggested that he had got them all.

Another little drink wouldn't do us any harm.