Red Skelton Quotes

Tequila. Straight. There's a real polite drink. You keep drinking until you finally take one more and it just won't go down. Then you know you've reached your limit.

A man can take a little bourbon without getting drunk, but if you hold his mouth open and pour in a quart, he's going to get sick on it.

Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.

I'm like the drunk in the bar who wants just one more for the road.

Everyone has limits. You just have to learn what your own limits are and deal with them accordingly.

Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities.

I think it's important to know your limitations too.

I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

All excess is ill; but drunkenness is of the worst sort. It spoils health, dismounts the mind, and unmans men. It reveals secrets, is quarrelsome, lascivious, impudent, dangerous, and mad.

It was too much Tequila, or not quite enough.

A good cook is a certain slow poisoner, if you are not temperate.

One more drink and I'd have been under the host.

And it occurs to me that if I were aboard a rowboat floating in the middle of all the beer I've drunk in a lifetime, I'd never be able to see the shore.

Alcohol may pick you up a little bit, but it lets you down in a hurry.

It's hard to drive at the limit, but it's harder to know where the limits are.

L'alcool est le monarque des liquides, et porte au dernier degre l'exaltation palatale. Alcohol is the prince of liquids, and carries the palate to its highest pitch of exaltation.

There is a mistaken idea, ancient but still with us, that an overdose of anything from fornication to hot chocolate will teach restraint by the very results of its abuse.

Nora: "How do you feel?" Nick: "Terrible. I must've gone to bed sober.

One has to know the size of one's stomach.

Perhaps I know to what extent I can go too far.

We came down here to see this teddible scene: people all pissed out of their minds and vomiting on themselves and all that and now, you know what? It's us

The first two drinks were always wonderfully liberating. You think better. You're braver, and you'll say anything. If you could just hang in there with two or three, it'd be beautiful. The trouble was I couldn't.

Take heede of the viniger of sweet wine.

I like liquor - its taste and its effects - and that is just the reason why I never drink it.

I would never be popular. I didn't want to be; I liked being shy. I'd never be the smartest or the hottest or the happiest. By eighth grade you start to figure out your limits.