Dorothy Parker Quotes

I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

I wanna get drunk 'til I'm off my mind. One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer.

I drink for the honorable purpose of getting bagged.

The first two drinks were always wonderfully liberating. You think better. You're braver, and you'll say anything. If you could just hang in there with two or three, it'd be beautiful. The trouble was I couldn't.

The drunken man is a living corpse.

Lo! the poor toper whose untutored sense, Sees bliss in ale, and can with wine dispense; Whose head proud fancy never taught to steer, Beyond the muddy ecstasies of beer.

Tequila. Straight. There's a real polite drink. You keep drinking until you finally take one more and it just won't go down. Then you know you've reached your limit.

Not drunk is he who from the floor - Can rise alone and still drink more; But drunk is They, who prostrate lies, Without the power to drink or rise.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I lose all control after two drinks of anything.

Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.

He [Peter the Great] took his bottle heartily, so must all the company; for when he was merry himself he loved to see everybody so; though at the same time he could not endure habitual drinkers, for such he thought unfit for business.

A single glass of champagne imparts a feeling of exhilaration. The nerves are braced: the imagination is agreeably stirred; the wits become more nimble. A bottle produces the opposite effect.

Macduff: What three things does drink especially provoke? Porter: Marry, sir, nose-painting, sleep, and urine.

All the damnable degrees Of drinking have you staggered through.

Don't think I'm talking nonsense because I'm drunk. I'm not a bit drunk. Brandy's all very well, but I need two bottles to make me drunk.

Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.

After the two drinks, she felt warm inside, and slightly indistinct at the edges.

And it occurs to me that if I were aboard a rowboat floating in the middle of all the beer I've drunk in a lifetime, I'd never be able to see the shore.

Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.

A drinker does not exist. Whatever they say, it is just the drink talking.

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

Of course I get drunk, my brain is only the size of a walnut.

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.