Robert Pattinson Quotes

I mean, seriously, what lady of taste could resist a shiny green head of hair like mine?

I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.

As you know it is a comedy so everything is a little bit pushed. That's what's funny about this kind of movie is you can laugh about the absurdity, and the bad side of life.

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

If it bends, it's funny; if it breaks, it's not funny.

Dressing up, for me, is looking like an idiot.

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

It's funny because it's funny.

Laughable

The whole point of comedy, what's fun, is taking the stupid thought I had and working it into something that makes a bunch of people laugh.

Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?

To remove all credibility from what you're saying try wearing sunglasses on your forehead.

I heard a guy tell me he liked cherries. I waited to hear if he was going to say "tomatoes", then I realized he like cherries just. That joke is ridiculous.

Oh- and grab the plastic bag over by my suitcase." I slug down the last of the coffee and get up. The bag contains panty hose. I put them on her desk. "They're for you." "You want me to look homeless, desperate, but also kind of fabulous?

I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing it back to health.

I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word "dictionary", and it said "you're an asshole".

I never wear flats. My shoes are so high that sometimes when I step out of them, people look around in confusion and ask, "Where'd she go?" and I have to say, "I'm down here.

Fashion advice from the Tooth Fairy, that's great.

Comedy is funny when it comes from truth, and that's always the rule of them. It's about how far you can push that boundary.

Mike Judge is my Jonathan Swift, and I say that because I don't know any other satirists. But the problem with satire is that it's so easily misinterpreted.

Oh, I've never been asked a silly question in my entire life.

I think all good drama is funny. All the best drama is ultimately very funny. Life is funny. You can't have any honest treatise on life without bumping into some humor.

'The Ugly Truth' isn't trying to change the world with strong political opinions; it's just trying to entertain you with thoughts and ideas from my crazy mind!

In a satire, you need foolishness.

I think politics is extremely funny in and of itself.