George Burns Quotes

I have quite a good card sense. My grandmother taught me to play bridge, so I had a reasonable sense of the cards and how they work.

Bridge is the king of all card games.

You surely know that in the course of a long marriage it is not unusual for a husband or a wife to develop a crush on someone else.

I feel terrible for women that have had Phil Collins tattoos. Their poor husbands have to deal with.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I'm an avid bridge player. I usually go to the local bridge club three or four times a week. I've always been a game-player, and I think bridge is one of the greatest games ever invented. It's too bad that not many young people play it any more.

I was married for 30 years. Isn't that enough? I've had my share of dirty underwear on the floor.

My mother would not talk to me for weeks, would not stay under my roof for as long as I was married to Oleg.

The only time a wife listens to her husband is when he's asleep.

It's axiomatic that all husbands are impossible. But I also think it's axiomatic that women are slightly impossible.

I don't like board games.

I love all board games, actually, apart from backgammon. I can never remember the rules.

For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to stay married, get two.

I’m going to be mentally ill in fifteen years, and that’s why my husband doesn’t want to be around me.

My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.

You can't do sweatpants... ladies, number one cause of divorce in America, sweatpants, no!

Saints make wonderful grandfathers and lousy husbands.

Bridge is a game for the undivided intellect.

When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.

I've had that conversation! "You had a minute! Why didn't you do that?" So if husbands could read our minds that would be great.

Ah, gentle dames! it gars me greet To think how monie counsels sweet, How monie lengthened sage advices, The husband frae the wife despises.

[On Ronald Reagan:] Jane Wyman seemed more upset with her husband's obsession with politics than I. I tried to make her laugh. 'He'll outgrow it,' I told her. To her it wasn't funny.

Show me a husband who keeps his thoughts to himself, and I will show you a frustrated wife.

Alma: I rather suspect her of being in love with him. Martin: Her own husband? Monstrous! What a selfish woman!