DON HEROLD

Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.

A humorist is a person who feels bad, but who feels good about it.

Golf may be a hussy, but I love her.

Don't ever slam a door, you might want to go back.

The brighter you are, the more you have to learn.

Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it.

It is a good thing that life is not as serious as it seems to a waiter.

The beggar is the only person in the universe not obliged to study appearance.

There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.

There's one thing about baldness, it's neat.

There is more sophistication and less sense in New York than anywhere else on the globe.

Why resist temptation? There will always be more.

If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

It takes a lot of things to prove you are smart, but only one thing to prove you are ignorant.

Poverty must have many satisfactions, else there would not be so many poor people.

I had, out of my sixty teachers, a scant half dozen who couldn't have been supplanted by phonographs.

Intellectuals should never marry; they won't enjoy it; and besides, they should not reproduce themselves.

Conversation: The slowest form of human communication.

Very few people look the part and are it too.

I do not believe in doing for pleasure things I do not like to do.

This is the greatest paradox: the emotions cannot be trusted; yet it is the emotions that tell us the greatest truths.

Golf is not sacred, and there is no use getting so gosh-darned solemn about it.

Methods of locomotion have improved greatly in recent years, but places to go remain about the same.

Gentlemen prefer blondes, but take what they can get.

Moralizing and morals are two entirely different things and are always found in entirely different people