Lauren Conrad Quotes

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

I've never been a boyfriend kind of girl.

Sure, mom, I settle down with a nice girl every night, then I'm free the next morning.

I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.

I’m not certain you’d know the right sort of man for you if he arrived on our doorstep riding an elephant.” “I would think the elephant would be a fairly good indication that I ought to look elsewhere.

I hate weddings,' she says. 'They make me feel so unmarried. Actually, even brushing my teeth makes me feel unmarried.

I can count all the lovers I've had on one hand...if I'm holding a calculator.

Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots.

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Men are wonderful. I adore them. They always give you the benefit of the doubt.

There's always something funny about men chasing women.

The duty of comedy is to correct men by amusing them.

I find myself to be quite sarcastic, and I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't get that.

I don't think I'm destined to be the eternal bachelor.

I do like dating cynics - they tend to be incredibly funny.

I certainly didn't want to date. I was through with guys.

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'

My wife sent her photograph to the lonely hearts club. They sent it back, said they weren't that lonely.

I have friends who are so sarcastic but I never view it as mean.

My wife is way funnier than I am. As much as I don't really feel I share a sense of humour with my family, I definitely share one with her - we find the same things funny.

I'm so single. It's funny. I'm usually a relationship girl. I love being in love and having a partner in crime. But it's good to be your own partner in crime. God, that makes me sound like I have multiple-personality disorder.

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.