Albert Brooks Quotes

It's not an Israeli model, it's a TSA, screwed-up model. It should actually be the person who's looking at the ticket and talking to the individual. Instead, they've hired people to stand around and observe, which is a bastardization of what should be done.

I am really high maintenance and won't walk through the microwave that fries your body. I always request a pat down [in airport].

Now, come over here so I can pat you down." "But you don't have-" Percy stopped. "Uh, sure." He stood next to the armless statue. Terminus conducted a rigorous mental pat down. "You seem to be clean," Terminus decided. "Do you have anything to declare?" "Yes," Percy said. "I declare that this is stupid.

Regardless of how me or this man right here or anybody else in this business get, when we walk on an airplane in first-class looking like this, we're gonna get searched.

I believe the public's confidence would be increased if the federal government took over the functions of airport security screening for all passengers.

The bottom line is how do we best provide for the security of the traveling public in light of a determined enemy who is adept at constructing well-designed, well-concealed devices which would not show up in a walk-through metal detector? We're trying to employ the best technology to identify any possible threat.

With existing technology, we can enforce airport security without sacrificing our personal privacy.

TSA needs to be totally changed. I would like them to be privatized.

I have metal in my body, so every time I go to an airport, the metal detector goes off.

I don't like getting patted down and taking off my shoes at the airport.

Our pat-down approach is very similar to what is being utilized in Europe and, as we know, around the world. It's even much more thorough in other parts of the world.

I take four planes a week, honestly. You know, I am for intelligence screening.

Over the past 50 years we got versions of X-ray specs and space vacations, and even death rays. But the X-ray specs don't fit on your face - they're big things that screen your luggage for guns. Space vacations are real, but they cost $20 million. We have death rays, but you have to be a triple Ph.D. to play with them.

Sometimes airport security people recognize me. I'll go through the whole screening process and at the end they'll go, 'Hey, man, I really like your work.' That's so cool.

The first time I flew after September 11, I honestly was a little paranoid. As I was going to the metal detector, I was looking at my duffel bag, and I'm like, 'Do I have anything that's like a weapon?' I was really paranoid they were gonna find something sharp, and I was gonna get in trouble.

Want to fire up a liberal? Dare to suggest that a nervous looking young Middle Eastern man standing in a TSA line to get on an airplane should be scrutinized.

I fly every single week, sometimes up to four days a week, and I see incredible inconsistencies in TSA throughout our country.

If you look at American medical fiction written by doctors, like 'The House of God' by Samuel Shem and 'The Blood of Strangers' by Frank Huyler, both have themes of cynicism and dysfunction running through them that you won't find in 'ER.' You find it in 'Scrubs,' but because that's a comedy, it gets away with it.

Geraldo has returned to the states. See? I told you airline security was a joke.

PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

Forget fashion, dress for comfort and for ease of getting through security, so no hats, belts or unnecessary accessories.

People want to say there isn't racial profiling at the airport, but let's be honest. If you first name is Mohammed, and your last name isn't Ali, leave a little extra time.

I'm a little disappointed I didn't get fiddled with by a TSA agent at the airport. I feel unwanted. Maybe next time.

Don't touch my junk, you airport security goon - my package belongs to no one but me, and do you really think I'm a Nigerian nut job preparing for my 72-virgin orgy by blowing my johnson to kingdom come?

It happened again this week. Hundreds of people had to be evacuated from O'Hare Airport in Chicago. Seems every time somebody went through with a weapon, the metal detectors accidentally went off.