CAROL LEIFER

I suddenly had this really mad desire to have an affair with a woman. I was divorced. I was childless. I figured there's got to be one more way to really tick off my mom.

I feel I've always got to keep my stand-up because I never want to lose it.

Obviously, at this age, I've lost people in my life. But with a parent, it's just different. I was very attached to my father and had this naive little-girl notion that he'd always be around. So I'm finding acceptance of my father's death is the hardest thing to accept.

All my other relationships with men, there was so much maneuvering and strategic decisions and stuff.

I've seen too many comics who got their own shows and were undone because they worked for an executive producer who didn't understand their comedy or their sensibility.

I think what I would say to my younger self, and probably to younger, just starting-out writers is that a lot of times you're just afraid to put yourself out there, and it's uncomfortable because it's working up the courage to do something, to push yourself to do those things.

My father was the king of the joke-tellers. I was so impressed as a child watching him, holding people in rapt attention.

My kind of gay, meeting a woman and falling in love, is a different experience because it wasn't anything about 'Oh, I've always been gay and I'm breaking the chains.'

My father was a really funny guy. He lived a good long life. And he was the reason I wanted to be funny and become a comedian and a comedy writer, so to say that he's somewhat of a mythic figure in my life would be an understatement.

I'm not afraid of putting myself out there to someone and then them passing on it. At least you could have gotten a 'yes.' So it's worthwhile to have the cojones to do it.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Just be your authentic self because there's nothing sexier or more beautiful than that.

My stand-up act is very clean.

There are so many opportunities that I could've gotten before if I had just took a little more of a risk.

I cried when I turned 34 for no other reason than 34 sounded old to me at the time.

Honestly, so much of my book is about the best things in my life have happened since I'm 40.

I never thought I was going to have children. I just thought after 45, that was it.

There were very few women comics when I started out doing stand-up. But I always saw that as a great advantage.

I always say to women, 'Take advantage of the fact that you're in the minority, don't see it as a disadvantage. You're that much more unique when there's fewer of you.'

As a writer, the worst thing you can do is work in an environment of fear of rejection.

My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it.'

I'm always a big fan of if you approach somebody politely about something and you're not a nudge - you're just pretty honest and simple, my kind of philosophy is that I'm not afraid of 'no,' and that's way different than 'I won't take no for an answer.'

My father was a huge influence on me.

My kind of gay is like the late-breaking-lesbian kind of gay.

Time flies, though, huh? But I feel young. And do you know how I stay feeling young, ladies and gentlemen? I'll share my secret with you: I live in a senior citizen retirement community.