Will Rogers Quotes

I think what my parents did was perfect. They were strict, concerned about my safety and held me back just a little.

A child may have to be snatched with roughness away from a fire so that he shall not be burnt.

Kids, they are always hurting themselves. It's like, "Quick, get me to casualty quick!" while your doing something important like sitting down picking your ear.

When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.

Children are very overprotected now, in lots of ways. We're very nervous about them. You know, people go, "Don't go outside! Or inside! Get into the cupboard with some spinach!" When I was a child they'd kick you out and you weren't expected to come back until there were bats!

When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'

My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.

Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.

No one wants to get their ass beat to a soundtrack.

I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.

A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!

I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.

Keeping kids safe is sometimes a delusion. The world is a perilous place. Sometimes the kitchen is a perilous place.

For toddlers I suggest leaving their mittens on year-round, indoors and out. That way they can't get into aspirin bottles, liquor cabinets, or boxes of kitchen matches.

UNICEF is doing amazing things here. They're helping these groups of kids to be mine aware, and using drama and workshops to teach children in all of the schools in the area to be aware of mines and what to do if they find one, and if somebody's hurt, not to rush in - all of the essential things that kids need to know.

You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.

I wouldn't recommend [boxing] to any child of mine. I would rather he played golf or something.

A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? "I was ironing, and the phone rang!" "What about the other ear?" "Had to call the doctor!"

To be told that our child's behavior is "normal" offers little solace when our feelings are badly hurt, or when we worry that hisactions are harmful at the moment or may be injurious to his future. It does not help me as a parent nor lessen my worries when my child drives carelessly, even dangerously, if I am told that this is "normal" behavior for children of his age. I'd much prefer him to deviate from the norm and be a cautious driver!

I feel very very old. My hair hurts. I have buttocks all over my body and I can't even smoke properly any more. I don't have lungs, I just have two poppadoms in here.

This is the most exciting place in the world to live. Oh yeah! There are so many ways to die in New York City! Race riots, drive by shootings, subway crashes, construction cranes collapsing on the sidewalks, manhole covers blowing up and asbestos shooting into the sky.

I get very protective of kids on set. I always make a point of telling kids that anything that makes them feel unsafe or concerned they should just speak up about, and then keep an eye on times when that could present an issue.

There is nothing more precious to a parent than a child, and nothing more important to our future than the safety of all our children.

If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?