Demetri Martin Quotes

If just one person touches you without your permission, stepping back and saying clearly, "Please don't touch me" should get them to stop.

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

If I know you, and you want to touch my hair, you should ask me first, and most of the time I'll say yes. But if I don't know you, and you just reach out and touch me without asking or touch while simultaneously asking, I'm going to give you a side eye.

You didn't have to take a punch for me, you know,' he said. 'I'm a lover, not a fighter.' 'You're a freak is what you are,' I said.

I don't really want to do things that I feel like are going to send out a message that I don't really want to sign up for.

Why do I act like this, agreeing when I really disagree, letting people force me to do things I don't want to do?

Understanding what you're OK with and what you're not OK with is so important to learn.

When a woman grabs my braids and says "How cute!" I crab her breast and say "How cute!" She never touches me again!

He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. And I got what I wanted. I always get what I want.

Some women were talking about how I put out. And that's just not that case. I don't put out - unless I'm asked very, very politely, and that's not putting out, that's just giving in.

If you have a friend with a blond mustache, he wants to touch you.

I'm so smart now. Everyone's always like 'take your top off'. Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I'm not stupid.

I just want to make it clear that I admit that that's rapey behavior, but I am not a rapist.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Im not the type of person to point fingers at anybody, and I dont want anybody saying anything to me. There are situations where balls are bounced to your feet you dont say anything.

Good Humor is the best shield against the darts of satirical raillery

Want girls to let you put your fingers in certain places? Get a manicure.

Speak up when you're supposed to, as opposed to trying to write prescriptions for the way people should live.

I got binoculars 'cause I don't want to go that close.

All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.

I have had many successes and many failures in my life. My successes have always been for different reasons, but my failures have always been for the same reason: I said yes when I meant no.

I can say that. I have a television show.

I don't want to have my face on the cover of a Wheaties box. I wanna have my face on the cover of a Rice Krispies box. "Snap, Krackle, Mitch and Pop"!

I've learned to really just say no. If I don't want to do something, I won't do it. There's nothing that can make me do anything.