Defensive Humor Quotes

My ass may be dumb, but I ain't no dumbass.

At bottom the world isn't a joke. We only joke about it to avoid an issue with someone, to let someone know that we know he's there with his questions; to disarm him by seeming to have heard and done justice to his side of the standing argument.

Criticism is hard for me but people find hard to believe because they think I'm very tough, very strident, that I tell everybody where to get off, and how. But I've actually got a really thin skin. I don't know. It's quite pathetic. So, yeah, it's hard for me to take criticism. But I also kind of have this sense of humor on overdrive, so I don't take any of it seriously. So that sort of saves me, the fact that I think it's just all kind of funny.

They pick me [to be tested for steroids] every time. I don't know why. I don't know if it's because I'm a big guy, or what, but all I know is all they are going to find is a lot of rice and beans.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

I'm not mad. I'm a writer.

Good Humor is the best shield against the darts of satirical raillery

I think humor is used a lot of the time to keep people from getting too close. Humor side-steps and shifts the meaning.

I grew up in the projects. You have no choice but to fight. My jokes used to get me in fights.

When someone asks you the question 'Are you ticklish' it doesn't matter if you say yes or no, cause they're going to touch you. If someone asks if you're ticklish and you don't want to be touched you should something like 'I have diarrhea, now don't touch me cause you'll make it come out... and yes I'm very ticklish'.

These Republican leaders have not been content with attacks on me, on my wife, or on my sons. No, not content with that, they now include my little dog, Fala. Well, of course, I don't resent attacks... but Fala does resent them.

I'm the master of low expectations.

So. Are you guys here to convert me or sell me siding?

Sometimes the funnier you are, the more vulnerable and scared you are underneath it all. So I think, for me, comedy was always a defense. It was a weapon so that you can't hurt me.

The dominant type of humor in the '60s was essentially defensive and self-deprecating, using humor as a shield.

Some people say I'm a pussy. I say, you are what you eat.

My dad was a big fan of comedy. He wanted to be a stand-up. He loved Lenny [Bruce]. He also loved Lord Buckley and jazz and stuff. He was a hipster. My parents were kind of beatnik-y, you know, for Salt Lake City. But my humor, I think, came from wanting to disarm people before they hit me.

A witty writer is like a porcupine; his quill makes no distinction between friend and foe.

I'm pretty good at getting over people throwing stuff at me. If you've been doing stand up long enough you know how to swing back and get the laughs.

I didn't bother to explain about the glitter in my hair. I figured they could think it was a family trait. We all glittered, just like the Cullens in Twilight.

I was always the guy - out of insecurities, I was always making fun, even as a kid.

I'm fat and proud of it. If someone asks me how my diet is going, I say 'Fine - how was your lobotomy?'

...you have no idea how mentally handicapped I could be if push comes to shove.

Every joke a President makes about himself is another barb that is taken out of the arsenal of his opponent.

People use irony as a defense mechanism.