Mignon McLaughlin Quotes

Many young men, when they receive their first wife, are just so untrained. The woman, if she's not careful, will be overbearing and always ask permission for what she wants. And ladies, build up your husband by being submissive. That's how you will give your children success; you will want your children to be obedient, to be submissive to righteous living.

I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.

This bugs me the worst. That's when the husband thinks that the wife knows where everything is, huh? Like they think the uterus is a tracking device. He comes in: "Hey, Roseanne! Roseanne! Do we have any Cheetos left?" Like he can't go over and lift up the sofa cushion himself.

There are two kinds of marriages - where the husband quotes the wife and where the wife quotes the husband.

I really don't know what it is. He is at home doing the breakfast dishes so that his wife can attend this meeting.

I was always a homebody who wanted to be somebody's wife.

I know not which lives more unnatural lives, obeying husbands, or commanding wives.

[On husband Phil Donahue:] The man does not know the meaning of the word tidy. He asked me one day, 'Where are my shoes?' So I asked him, 'Where are my shoes?' I don't know what it is about men. They think that women have radar attached to our uteruses.

So I took an interest in politics, but I don't know whether I enjoyed it! It was a wife's duty to be interested in whatever interested her husband, whether it was politics, books, or a particular dish for dinner.

Sometimes, a wife must do what her husband cannot.

Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?

Don't you know, that all wives are in the right? It may be you don't, for you are yet a young husband.

Gentlemen, no one objects to the husband being the head of the wife as Christ was the head of the church--to crucify himself; whatwe object to is his crucifying his wife.

I could have stayed home and been kept by my wife.

Husbands are an inferior class of men, who require keeping in order.

In a matriarchy men should be encouraged to take it easy, for most women prefer live husbands to blocks of shares and seats on the board.

I have often thought that less is expected of the president of a great corporation than of an American wife.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

Without the heroic, man has no meaning; without the economic, he has no sense. Economic man is most likely to be economic woman - a good wife, pulling the coat tails of her heroic husband, checking his extravagances of speech and action with words of caution and good sense. But without the heroic coat tails to pull, life for both of them would be dull and savorless indeed.

Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk.

I married my husband who is thirteen years older, so I will always be a trophy wife for him.

Everything I talk about in stand-up is my experiences as an American, as a father, as a husband, as a black man, as a human being.

A woman might as well propose: her husband will claim she did.

There is nothing a Man of good Sense dreads so much in a Wife, as her having more Sense than himself.