Scott Adams Quotes

I've married a man who owns nine cows," said Jinjur to Ozma, "and now I am happy and contented and willing to lead a quiet life and mind my own business." "Where is your husband?" asked Ozma. "He is in the house, nursing a black eye," replied Jinjur, calmly. "The foolish man would insist upon milking the red cow when I wanted him to milk the white one; but he will know better next time, I am sure.

Don't you know, that all wives are in the right? It may be you don't, for you are yet a young husband.

Through all the relationship stuff I've gone through in the past few years, I know there are fundamental differences in how men and women view sex and how they view their futures.

There is no such thing as being good to your wife.

If I were as much of a man as my woman, I'd be my wife.

I really don't know what it is. He is at home doing the breakfast dishes so that his wife can attend this meeting.

I don't know how to cook. I work a lot. So, for me, then, it's important to find a man who can cook. Who will make the house a home more than I can.

It's a particularly modern myth that married people are best friends. The best-friend concept is a uniquely female phenomena.

My wife says to do the dishes, and I'm like, 'Yes, baby. I can clean up.'

Fletch then kisses me on the forehead before opening the cabinet under the coffeemaker to grab placemats and napkins. Retrieving these items is his job because I kind of don't like to bend. I also refuse to carry anything heavier than my purse.

You have to remember: the wife been home all day cleaning asses and feeding faces. Sometimes the opposite.

Every so often I would look at my women friends who were happily married and didn't cook, and I would always find myself wondering how they did it. Would anyone love me if I couldn't cook? I always thought cooking was part of the package: Step right up, it's Rachel Samstat, she's bright, she's funny and she can cook!

Among fifty percent of your married couples, the husband worries very little about what his wife is doing, provided she is doing all he wishes.

A woman is never so happy as when she is being wooed. Then she is mistress of all she surveys, the cynosure of all eyes, until that day of days when she sails down the aisle, a vision in white, lovely as the stefanotis she carries, borne translucent on her father's manly arm to be handed over to her new father-surrogate. If she is clever, and if her husband has the time and the resources, she will insist on being wooed all her life; more likely she will discover that marriage is not romantic, that husbands forget birthdays and aniversaries and seldom pay compliments, are often perfunctory.

This bugs me the worst. That's when the husband thinks that the wife knows where everything is, huh? Like they think the uterus is a tracking device. He comes in: "Hey, Roseanne! Roseanne! Do we have any Cheetos left?" Like he can't go over and lift up the sofa cushion himself.

There's a lot more historical baggage to deal with as a wife than as a partner.

I believe that because I had obtained a wife who was made up of wife-signs (beauty, charm, softness, perfume, cookery) I had found love.

I'm having trouble managing the mansion. What I need is a wife.

I think there are plenty of men out there who are capable and accomplished in their own realm. You don't have to be in the same field. I've often been asked, "Didn't you want to get married?" And of course I wanted to get married, but you have to fall in love and want to marry a particular person. You don't get married in the abstract. So, although there were people I felt I might have married, it just never happened.

It all comes down to who does the dishes.

The loveliest Muse in the world does not feed her owner; these girls make fine mistresses but terrible wives

Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?

People say, 'Why is he bored with her?' Because he's a human being, that's why; same way his wife is bored with him. That is marriage - anything that's supposed to be forever, your going to get bored with it. And there is nothing wrong with it, so don't take it personal; if you are with somebody for ten years and they are not bored with you? Then something is wrong with them.

a real man is happy and eager to live by your rules, as long as he knows what the rules are and he's sure that abiding by those rules will help keep the woman he loves happy