Chris D'Elia Quotes

I've always gone out with men who wanted a cook all the time.

Guys should be doing laundry, doing dishes.

The man who asks a woman what she wants deserves all that's coming to him.

I get up, go shopping, clean the flat, cook my boyfriend's dinner. It's great selling records, but it doesn't mean you have to turn into a freak.

I'm not the easiest person to live with. I'm kind of a slob. So for me to consider a roommate, it would have to be one of my sisters or something.

I was surprised to learn that doing household chores qualifies as romantic for most of you [women]. That's exactly why you should never hire a butler if you strike it rich - the minute that Jeeves starts unloading the dishwasher without being asked, your wife is going to start humping his leg.

Men want success and sex. Women want everything.

Most women work one shift at the office or factory and a 'second shift' at home.

Even cohabitation has been corrupted - by marriage.

When men do the dishes, it's called helping. When women do the dishes, it is called life.

I'm a little old-fashioned - I like it when the man opens the door and I like it when a man pays for me. I particularly like it when they pay for dinner or whatever, because I've pretty much done the opposite, but for the exception of James [Taylor], where we split everything down the middle. I've been the larger money earner in practically all of my relationships. There's equality and there are positive differences, which are complimentary.

I know men are delicate origami creatures who need women to unfold them, hold them when they cry. But I am tired of being your savior and I am tired of telling you why.

I would be content being a housewife if I could find the kind of man who wouldn't treat me like one.

Valentine's Day is much more of a holy day of obligation for a guy in a relationship with a woman, because a woman has certain emotional expectations. Even if she doesn't value Valentine's Day, or views it as a corporate exercise, she still often wants her boyfriend or husband to go through the motions, just in case she values it.

Men are perfectly willing to abandon a woman but they refuse to be abandoned by her.

That's silly talk... Talk to my wife. She'll tell me I need to learn to just put my socks on the hamper.

Machismo makes no provision for preparing lunch, doing the laundry, or minding the baby.

Don't you know, that all wives are in the right? It may be you don't, for you are yet a young husband.

A significant minority of senior women I've interviewed say, 'Love the companionship, glad to live with him, but I spent my first marriage picking up after a man and I'm not going to do that anymore.

At the end of their relationship she asked if they could still remain friends. His face stayed expressionless until he said "No. Because we put friends in boxes. You see them once in a while, or even a lot, but still they have their box in your life, their specific place. Their *category.* That's one of the great things about being someone's love-- you have no box in their life because you're part of all their boxes. You're their friend, their lover, their confidante-- all those things. I don't want to be put in one of your boxes and I don't want to shrink you to fit into one of mine.

If my wife is cooking a meal at home, which is not often, thankfully, but you know, she's doing (oh, she's good at some things) but if she's cooking, you know, she's dealing with people on the phone, she's talking to the kids, she's painting the ceiling, she's doing open-heart surgery over here; if I'm cooking, the door is shut, the kids are out, the phone's on the hook, if she comes in I get annoyed, I say "Terry, please, I'm trying to fry an egg in here, give me a break.".

I'm sure nobody wants to know this, but my husband does all the cleaning - rather too much cleaning. It is too clean, the house!

Among fifty percent of your married couples, the husband worries very little about what his wife is doing, provided she is doing all he wishes.

She thought about how marvelous is would be to have a wife keeping the house in order, the meals on the table. At the same time it seemed ridiculously unfair that she could never have a wife. In fact, if she married, she would be expected to be the wife.

Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?