George Carlin Quotes

You know, back in the 1950s and '60s, when J. Edgar Hoover was making the FBI the respected organization it used to be, oftentimes they would find a fugitive and basically have his house surrounded, and then put out a press release saying he was on the top 10 most wanted list. And 10 minutes later, he'd be arrested.

When 'The Washington Post' ran the first national story about FBI profiling in 1984, no one outside of law enforcement recognized the term.

'Criminal Minds' consists of stories told within the framework of the FBI behavioral science unit. It's about serial profiling.

In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say 'Stop, or I'll say stop again.'

'White Collar' is a show about the unlikely pairing of an FBI agent and an ex-con solving smart, glamorous, interesting and provocative crimes in a sometimes very funny way.

Crime fiction is the fiction of social history. Societies get the crimes they deserve.

Before science all things must fall, including the ramparts of criminality.

There's something quite fascinating with crooks and criminals and all things against the law.

I actually met a cop who worked with street gangs. I wanted to understand what drives someone who deals with very hardened criminals on a daily basis. How do you turn that off when you go home at night?

Some problems, I believe, are unsolvable. We can't solve every maniac's determination to kill. And we can't populate every police precinct with perfect officers.

I've never had any interest in reading the real-life stories of criminals. I don't want to get inside their heads.

Peter Falk and Denis Leary today walked into a Starbucks and shot 27 people, without any announcement whatsoever.

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

I was at a bar, and this guy bumped into me, and he did not apologize, and he said, "Move!" I thought that was rude, so I said, "Go to hell!" Then I started to run. He caught up to me. He had a mustache, a goatee, a pair of earrings, sunglasses, a ponytail and he was wearing a hat. He said, "Hey, you got a lot of nerve!" I said, "Hey, you got a lot of... cranium accessories!"

If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!

I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'

It had that kind of open-ended fear to it - like that feeling you get when you're driving and you see a cop. And you're not speeding. You don't have drugs. But you're just thinking, I hope he doesn't notice I'm driving.

Crime, once exposed, has no refuge but in audacity.

A policeman stopped me and said: Would you please blow into this bag, sir? I said: What for, officer? He said: My chips are too hot.

I saw a charity appeal in the Guardian the other day, and it read "Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water". And I couldn't help thinking, she should move.

Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? "Damn I got to get the hell out of here!" "What was I thinking!"

A real cop fights real crime. A vice cop's only job is to ruin the party.

A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime.

Somebody broke into my house once, this is a good time to call the police, but mm mm, nope. The house was too nice. It was a real nice house, but they'd never believe i lived in it. They'd be like 'He's still here!