Dave Attell Quotes

Farrah's dressing room was next to mine. There was a little hole in the wall. I let her look.

You could be as vulgar as you want, as long as three tiny spots were covered.

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

I'm not for gratuitous nudity, but if there's humor, I don't have a problem.

I think Australians like a bit of vulgarity.

I don't see how an article of clothing can be indecent. A person, yes.

I'm not one for blaspheming, but that one made me laugh.

Funny thing is that the poorer people are, the more generous they seem to be.

They'll say, That's funny, but you can't do that on TV.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

I want you to see me naked and performing one or two dozen mad acts, which will take me less than half an hour, because if you have seen them with your own eyes, you can safely swear to any others you might wish to add.

Nobody ever says, "Can I have your beets?

The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy - give one and take ten.

If it's dirty, it's not funny, but if it's funny, it's not dirty.

Sex and obscenity are not synonymous.

The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage.

All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.

No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea... you never get that tea.

Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work.

That's the best advice I can give - when you're trying to write a comedy, first write a drama, and then make it funny.

At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !

You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT!

Yuki: "Is your brain directly wired to perversion?

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."