Jimmy Carr Quotes

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

Stealing, you'll go far in life. Actually, there is something funny about getting away with it.

Every crime, even the most atrocious, may be justified.

Killing and gangbanging, that's just wrong.

He that steals the old man's supper does him no wrong.

In the name of certainty, the greatest crimes have been committed against humanity.

It's good they're holding the Olympics in the East End of London. Means the athletes will have to use extra skill to work out which gunshot is the starting pistol.

If you see violence, condemn it.

Under the rules of a society that cannot distinguish between profit and profiteering, between money defined as necessity and money defined as luxury, murder is occasionally obligatory and always permissible.

Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn't too nice a thing to do.

And I think, not for the first time, that what is immoral is not always wrong.

Murder is only killing in the wrong place.

It might or might not be right to kill, but sometimes it is necessary.

Why are we talking about this good and evil? They're just names for sides. We know that.

Where we find wrongs done to animals, it is no excuse to say that more important wrongs are done to human beings, and let us concentrate on those. A wrong is a wrong, and often the little ones, when they are shrugged off as nothing, spread and do the gravest harm to ourselves and others.

So you see, Good and Evil have the same face; it all depends on when they cross the path of each individual human being.

I don't think there is a right or wrong anymore. Only horrible and not-quite-so-horrible.

Maybe he murdered Myrtle; that would’ve done everyone a favor. . . .

A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!"

It went on yesterday and it's going on tonight, somewhere there's somebody ain't treatin' somebody right.

There must be sophistry in all this; but the condition of a slave confuses all principles of morality, and, in fact, renders the practice of them impossible.

But how,” said Charles, who was close to tears, “how can you possibly justify cold-blooded murder?’ Henry lit a cigarette. “I prefer to think of it,” he had said, “as redistribution of matter.

As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna go kill other people, you're killing all the right people and opening up all the best parking spaces.