Mike Judge Quotes

Only lies and evil come from letting people off.

It's really amazing that in the age of unbelief, as a smart man called it, there isn't even more fraud. After all, with no God, there's no one to ever call you to account, and no accounting at all if you can get away with it.

Lying to a committee is a very grave abuse, and there ought to be a clear punishment.

He who sells what isn't his'n, Must buy it back or go to prison.

Successful crimes alone are justified.

The crime and not the scaffold makes the shame.

One thing I was thinking about is that they probably get their come-uppance about the same percentage that people in real life do. Basically, stealing for all practical purposes might as well be legal in New York.

All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.

Fraud and deceit abound in these days more than in former times.

The gentleman is guilty of every crime that does not require courage.

If we started prosecuting people for sin, we’d all be in jail.

Treason doth never prosper: what's the reason? Why, if it prosper, none dare call it treason.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Everyone cheats.

Cheating is only cheating when you get caught.

Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.

You can't cheat an honest man.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

You're a liar!" He turned around, his black eyes snapping. "I'm also a thief, a gambler, a cheat, and a murdered. But this happens to be one of the rare times when I'm telling the truth. Go home. Consider yourself lucky. You've got a chance to start fresh. Not everyone can say the same.

Become good at cheating and you never need to become good at anything else.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

You will be amused when you see that I have more than once deceived without the slightest qualm of conscience, both knaves and fools.

If what you have done is unjust, you have not succeeded.

In terms of justice, the most important thing is not to be part of organized crime.

Successful and fortunate crime is called virtue.