ALEXANDER WOOLLCOTT

Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

Germany was the cause of Hitler as much as Chicago is responsible for the Chicago Tribune.

Many of us spend half of our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing.

I'm tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn't work. Of course it doesn't work. We are supposed to work it.

There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day.

All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.

Nothing risque, nothing gained.

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm.

His huff arrived and he departed in it.

At 83 Shaw's mind was perhaps not quite as good as it used to be, but it was still better than anyone else's.

It comes from the likes of you! Take what you can get! Grab the chances as they come along! Act in hallways! Sing in doorways! Dance in cellars!

I think your slogan, ‘Liberty or Death,’ is splendid and whichever one you decide on will be alright with me.

One listens to one's lawyer prattle on as long as one can stand it and then signs where indicated.

A broker is a man who runs your fortune into a shoestring.

Reading Proust is like bathing in someone else's dirty water.

To all things clergic I am allergic.

She was like a sinking ship firing on the rescuers.

The scenery in the play was beautiful, but the actors got in front of it.

The two oldest professions in the world — ruined by amateurs.

A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't go.

Babies in silk hats playing with dynamite.

You haven't lived until you died in New York.

It was Mrs. Campbell, for instance, who, on a celebrated occasion, threw her companion into a flurry by describing her recent marriage as "the deep, deep peace of the double-bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise-longue."