Dennis Miller Quotes

My favourite was 'Fantasy Football League.' I thought it would be the most exciting thing ever to be friends with Frank Skinner and David Baddiel.

I knew how to come up with jokes at someone's expense really fast.

I'm not mean. I can't do a roast.

Comedy is based partly on mean-spiritedness.

I have a sense of humor, and sometimes it gets me into trouble.

I would love to make a sarcastic film; I am so sarcastic that even my kids are now getting used to my sarcasm. You see it a lot in British comedy because that's their sense of humour.

That's what I love about 'MADtv': If you exist, if you breathe, we will take you down.

Long jesting was never good.

I'm always making fun of myself and my friends.

You’re so hilarious. You know, if this whole Daimon-slaying gig doesn’t work out for you, you should really consider being a comedian. The bright Barney hair color would just add to the overall entertainment factor.

I watch some kids ask the cafeteria ladies to sign their books. What do they write: "Hope your chicken patties never bleed?" Or, maybe, "May your Jell-O always wiggle?

There he is, tall, tanned, Italian, sophisticated. So what do you do?" I said, "Er, leap on him and snog him within an inch of his life? Taking care not to strangle myself on his false beard, or disturb his banana.

I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet tall, so I couldn't play basketball. I'm only 190 pounds, so I couldn't play football, and I have 20/20 vision, so I couldn't be a referee.

People ask me what Nick (Saban) says to me on the sidelines. It is just, 'I love you so much. Can we just run some.'

Comedy is grievances. It's a recitation of grievances - whether they're inconsequential, superficial - like "my wife shops too much", or "kids today", all those old-fashioned themes - or, if it's deeper, and somewhat more thoughtful, about social imbalance and inequities, and the folly of human behavior. It's usually a complaint.

That’s a pretty lame superhero name,” I told him. “Scooby-Doo is already taken,” he said with dignity. “Anything else sounds lame in comparison.

There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one.

I haven't laughed so much over anything since the hogs ate my kid brother.

Wit goes for the jugular, not the jocular, and it's the opposite of football; instead of building character, it tears it down.

And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!

Eeek,” Shane said. Nothing. Right, Amazon princess, I got the point.

Everybody funny, now you funny too.

A lot of the things I say I'm just trying to be funny... I don't really mean everything I say, because I'm not totally that airhead.

Coach Hedge grunted like he was pleased to have an excuse. He unclipped the megaphone from his belt and continued giving directions, but his voice came out like Darth Vader's. The kids cracked up. The coach tried again, but this time the megaphone blared: "The cow says moo!

Goodness gracious me,” exclaimed Alexia, “what are you wearing? It looks like the unfortunate progeny of an illicit union between a pair of binoculars and some opera glasses. What on earth are they called, binocticals, spectaculars?” The earl snorted his amusement and then tried to pretend he hadn't. “How about glassicals?” he suggested, apparently unable to resist a contribution.