Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

I see my daft surname as a positive thing. It first dawned on me that I had a comical name when someone called me 'Fishface' on my first day at school. I've heard all the fish jokes since then, many times over.

I could have worse tags than 'Airmiles Andy' - although I don't know what they are.

They used to call me Cam-bones because I was so skinny.

'Ders' is something I've been called since I was six by neighbors and stuff growing up.

Obama isn't funny.

I was a fat kid. I can laugh now. But I got teased about being an Oompa Loompa and stuff like that.

Well, you've got to learn how to make fun of yourself - you know what I mean?

I can take the mick out of myself so whatever anyone has got to say about me I still find it funny.

It's my real name. My mother's name is Rose Rock. It was the worst name as a kid to have. They called me Piece of the Rock, Plymouth Rock, Joe Rockid, and Flintstones. Now they call me Mister Rock.

I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it.

Sometimes the names were humiliating, deliberately so. Somebody would pick out your flaw. If you were little, they would call you Shorty. And if you were angry, they would call you the Devil.

Back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid. Well, that and faggot.

It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others.

Don’t call me Lord Snow.” The dwarf lifted an eyebrow. “Would you rather be called the Imp? Let them see that their words can cut you and you’ll never be free of the mockery. If they want to give you a name take it make it your own. Then they can’t hurt you with it anymore.

Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar?

My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles

I'm a quitter. I come from a long line of quitters. It's amazing I'm here at all.

I give you points for persistence, but you lose a few for being slow on the uptake. (Rae)

I'll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We're not afraid of them.

You have to be able to laugh at yourself. That's what I tell Asian people all the time.

My name is "A Pimp named Slickback" Wait... A Pimp?? ... Named Slickback. Yes, please say the whole thing if you would. Yes, that includs the "A Pimp Named" part. Yes Tom, everytime.

I went through elementary school being bullied and teased. I remember someone - I can't recall his name, but I can see his face - who decided on the school bus, when I was ten or eleven, to call me "Percy." That was somehow supposed to connect to the fact that I wasn't very athletic. I was, in fact, also not very coordinated. I was not very masculine, by the standards of ten-year-olds. I remember being on the school bus and everyone chanting, "Percy! Percy! Percy!" at me.

You are such a chicken. Bock. Bock. Bock." He refused to allow her very bad chicken impression to ruffle his feathers. He was above petty name-calling.

Ladies and Gentlemen, King of the Stupid Question: Todd Grisham!

You see, I'm fond of teasing, it's a second nature with me—and I'm used to teasing myself. Plaguing myself, if you prefer; I don't tease nicely.