Peter Falk Quotes

I am the world's most appalling martial artist. I am so bad. I've studied jujitsu, kickboxing, t'ai chi. Once, I was sparring with someone, made a mistake, and managed to knock them down. I was so shocked that I dropped to my knees to see if they were all right, and then they knocked me out cold. From the floor.

I have no more pleasure in hearing a man attempting wit and failing, than in seeing a man trying to leap over a ditch and tumbling into it

I'm a terrible dancer. The worst.

Her friends say she is very funny. At a family dinner, she stood to go, and the footman very properly pulled her chair away. At that moment I asked her a question and she sat down again, except there was no chair. Everyone, including the Queen, laughed and laughed.

I have no athletic skills whatsoever. I'm just literally incompetent.

I'm physically completely mal-coordinated. My best friend used to make me run for the bus just to give herself a quick, cheap laugh because I definitely don't have that sophisticated cool thing down.

Everybody laughs when fatty falls down.

If you're OK with being clumsy, it's funny. But if you are super embarrassed, people are going to laugh at you.

I'm a pretty goofy person. I'm an awkward dancer, for instance, and a terrible singer.

My partner and I won the race, and I threw my hat into the air and bent to pick it up. Everyone started laughin' because I had split the back end of my pants out, and I wasn't wearing shorts.

I feel like every day of my life is a funny wardrobe malfunction!

At school I was very shy and coincidentally inherited the title 'little miss worry guts,' and that was just among the staff. I learned early on that I could make people laugh, and as my small neat body betrayed me by growing to dizzying heights, I used it as a tool that translated into complete slap-stick comedy.

I'm terrible at practical jokes. I do them too well, so they're not funny. I end up saying, 'Oh, no, I'm joking, I'm joking.'

If I got into a fight in a bar, I'd miss the dude by miles. I wouldn't know how to connect. It would be a comedy.

I can never tell a joke, I've always found it easier to just fall over.

These people were not even good burglars. They were bungelers.

Awkwardness is such a gold mine for comedy.

I'm more one of those people you laugh at and not with. I'm not the one with the jokes, I'm the one who falls on her face going up a flight of steps.

If you saw me trying to do laundry or something, well, I'm not really equipped to do anything else.

In ballet class, I felt like Ralph Wiggum.

Apart from the occasional bit of dad dancing, I really can't dance.

I'm kind of a nerd. A square. And I'm terrible at telling jokes. I always forget the punch line.

People who know me know that I am very clumsy, always fumbling, and I talk rubbish most of the times.

You'd be waiting 30 or 40 years for me to build a table. I have more than two left hands.

My friends make me laugh: funny Instagram videos, but mostly people falling over. It's so bad, but it never gets old. I just love how people cover up their falls. The whole experience of 'Oh, I just fell, and I'm going to run out of the fall and pretend I did this on purpose.' I just like to see how people cover up their mishaps.