LAURENCE J. PETER

As a matter of fact is an expression that precedes many an expression that isn't.

Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.

Going to church doesn't make you any more a Christian than going to the garage makes you a car.

Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status.

Slump, and the world slumps with you. Push, and you push alone.

It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week.

Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.

There are two kinds of egotists: Those who admit it, and the rest of us.

A man convinced against his will is not convinced.

The seaman tells stories of winds, the ploughman of bulls; the soldier details his wounds, the shepherd his sheep.

Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Lead, follow, or get out of the way.

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Nobody can be perfect unless he admits his faults, but if he has faults how can he be perfect?

A pessimist is a man who looks both ways when he crosses the street.

Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish a reputation as an expert.

Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.

Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to be appointed to do the work.

Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience.

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.

Democracy is a process by which people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.