Ring Lardner Quotes

Alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, may produce all the effects of drunkenness.

Where the drink goes in, there the wit goes out.

I drink for the effect, because it loosens up the tongue a little bit.

I wanna get drunk 'til I'm off my mind. One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer.

"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "Ask a glass of water."

Look, this is an odd question, but you're kind of cute and you're pretty nice to me. Are you drunk? It's OK if you are.

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

Being sober on a bus is, like, totally different than being drunk on a bus.

Many people - and I think I am one of them - are more productive when they've had a little to drink. I find if I drink two or three brandies, I'm far better able to write.

I'm a big fan of the effects of alcohol.

A man's true character comes out when he's drunk.

I drink to make other people interesting.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

It is widely held that too much wine will dull a man's desire. Indeed it will in a dull man.

Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.

The piano has been drinking, not me.

I get really saucy after a few drinks. Sexy rude, not obnoxious rude.

Hide our ignorance as we will, an evening of wine soon reveals it.

I think a guy who's had just the right amount of booze can sing the blues a hell of a lot better than a guy who is stone sober.

Come, for my part I will have only those glorious, manly pleasures of being very drunk, and very slovenly.

... like Daniel Webster after taking a pint of brandy.

DRINK MAKES ONE MORE LIABLE TO ACCIDENT WHAT THE ACCIDENT INSURANCE COMPANY SAYS: A man whose nerves have been made unsteady by a recent debauch or by the habitual use of alcohol, should not be permitted to operate dangerous machinery or to carry on dangerous work. He endangers not only his own life, but the lives of others

Alcohol is a class of drugs that we call 'the sedatives.' And what you're doing is just knocking your brain out. You're not putting it into natural sleep.

I simply don't know how to act as if I am drunk.