Maria Bamford Quotes

I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.

Pardon me for breathing, which I never do any way so I don’t know why I bother to say it, oh God, I’m so depressed.

I promote my own self-hatred.

Some people think my singing is superb. But they're mainly on strong medication and not allowed out much.

One day, at my office, I wrote down some names and dates and notes, and I wrote a title, 'The Age of Despair,' and then some other 'Ages' - Innocence, God, Reason, Hope - and I wrote this as well: 'Woman, born in 1930, lives till the age of 80 or so, suffers depression, marries a car dealer, has children who grow up to confuse her.'

My dad was depressed a lot of the time, and there were a lot of things in his life that he never resolved.

I do not look at myself every morning and think: 'Oh, my gosh, I am so perfect, so beautiful, so talented.' No, I like to make fun of myself.

Social media, despite its reputation as the ultimate agent of self-promotion, actually feeds on self-loathing.

When I grew up, people said, 'You'll never be the man your dad was.' And I said, 'Gee, I hope not.'

There is too much fathering going on just now and there is no doubt about it fathers are depressing.

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

When my husband tells our daughter, 'You get that trait from Mom,' she lights up with pride. We all know who he's talking about. And it's not me. I'm fine with this.

I'm horribly self-critical.

I never hurt anybody; I only hurt myself and my family. I never did anything mean to anybody, I was just mean to myself.

I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm dumb, I smell. Did I mention I'm stupid?

I criticise myself a lot. My friends complain about it.

I have trouble keeping a lid on the self-hatred.

I have a very good talent at finding out exactly what it is about yourself that you don't like and then keep bringing it up.

I'm all about being self-deprecating because I think it's hilarious. Any actor who takes themselves seriously just needs to stop being such a piece of s**t.

Nobody abuses us more than we abuse ourselves.

You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.

sarcasm and jokes were often the bottle in which clinical depressives sent out their most plangent screams for someone to care and help them.

Being witty was the only side effect of being depressed that was working for me.

When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.

At 9:10 I'm going to be filled with self-hatred.