CHARLIE MURPHY

Every barbershop has a guy who wrecks shop every time he comes in. He has the whole barbershop laughing. That doesn't mean he's a comedian.

I went to jail for a year when I was 17. When I got out, my mother took me to the recruiting office, and I spent the next six years in the Navy.

I'll put it like this: When I was in high school, I would never win a popularity contest back then... it was always somebody else that got picked first for whatever reason. But all those people that went before me usually dropped the ball... then I'd get my shot.

Comedy has bits, has jokes, has stories, and it has characters.

There's no one on the road that I tried to pattern myself after. There's no one in history that I tried to pattern myself after. Because one thing I was told that in standup you want to develop your own voice.

As a man, if you lose your wife, it's a horrible experience, especially with kids. But when one person passes away and you're still alive, people still depend on you - that's what you have to lean on.

Richard Pryor - he had stories, he had characters, he had short jokes, and he had bits. He had all those things. Eddie Murphy has all those things, and he can sing. A comedian is a bunch of stuff; it's not just one area.

I bombed in front of 5,000 people. Anybody that's ever stood in front of 5,000 people that don't like them can tell you, it's an energy associated with that. You don't want to feel that. You ask yourself, 'Do you really really want to do this?'

If I want to be a real comedian, I can't let you dictate my material, so I started creating more new material.

I guess I must have a good metabolism.

There's a lot of racism when I was in the Navy, and I had to deal with that.

I'm always working, and I'm a single parent, so I don't think I have time for stuff most normal people do.

Most actors can't write. Most writers can't act. Most comedians can't act. I can do all three, so why wouldn't I do that?

I was the dude you didn't wanna go to school with, because I would come to school and get on your shoes. If you had a hole in your pants, I'd talk about it all day long. If your hair was messed up, if you had buck teeth, I'd talk about it all day long. And I made people laugh doing it, but it wasn't like I thought I was a comedian.

While I have been to Switzerland, Stockholm, and other parts of Europe and Canada, I don't have a specific place that is my favorite. I just represent Earth.

Carolines is the best. It has great sound, you can hear from the front all the way to the back with the same quality. If you want to see the top comics, go to Carolines.

I respect everybody. You don't have to earn my respect. You earn my disrespect.

My own son called me Eddie Murphy's brother once. Once.

I was a bodyguard for somebody I love. That's not a good combination. I was always ready to beat somebody up.

I never went around saying who my brother was. Everybody else was doing that.

The whole thing with the Rick James story sketch and the Prince story sketch - I recounted my past, you know? - and that's what I was doing. It's not like I sat down and said I want to come up with a great story about Rick James. That stuff really happened.

People who know me know that I'm the last person on earth that wants to be somebody else.

If you can't eat incredible food, then what's the point?

Aaron McGruder is a straight-up G. I call him Champ.

I've been called Mr. Eddie's brother, but I don't trip on that. Whether you realize it or not, that's a sign of disrespect. If you address me, call me by my name. You can't lower me or make me feel uncomfortable.