Gail Carriger Quotes

It's still too early to say how my wife will influence my life. But I do already know that it's sometimes hard work living with her.

It is as hard to get a man to stay at home after you've married him as it was to get him to go home before you married him.

My wife is one of the best wimin on this Continent, altho' she isn't always gentle as a lamb with mint sauce.

I'd love to have First Lady Michelle Obama over and ask, 'How do you make your marriage work?' I think the president is sexy as all get-out, but he has got to get on her nerves some kind of way. He's this wonderful, powerful man, but she sees him leaving his socks on the floor.

I chose 'Mr. & Mrs. Smith' specifically 'cause I had just made 'The Bourne Identity' and made a film that glamorized being an action hero, and I wanted to make the exact opposite. I wanted to make a movie that glamorized maintaining a marriage, and that made the action hero part seem easy and made the marriage part seem hard.

Trouble with women. Can't do any art and be married if you're in love with your wife.

I believe in live-in relationships, but most of the time, I am living out of hotel rooms. So, I don't know where I would have a live-in relationship.

It's hard enough to be in a marriage and then have a kid, then kids: it changes everything.

The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.

I always tell my husband, 'That's it, I quit, I've done all I wanted,' and he's just like, 'Yeah, yeah. Sure.'

The wonder is not that some married people are less happy than they hoped to be, but that any married people, out of the honeymoon, or even in it, are ever happy at all.

My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties...welcome to my world.

Once upon a time there was a woman who was just like all women. And she married a man who was just like all men. And they had some children who were just like all children. And it rained all day. The woman had to skewer the hole in the kitchen sink, when it was blocked up. The man went to the pub every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. The other nights he mended his broken bicycle, did the pool coupons, and longed for money and power. The woman read love stories and longed for things to be different. The children fought and yelled and played and had scabs on their knees. In the end they all died.

We knew we were doomed. The kiss was a warm acceptance of years of bickering, years of me consuming foods that I found barely edible and Henry tidying up after someone who already thought she had tidied up. When I kissed Henry I wasn't imagining Ex-boyfriend #13; I was picturing Husband #1.

I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.

With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years.

She says it's really not very flattering to her that the women who fall in love with her husband are so uncommonly second-rate.

God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage.

There is no observation more frequently made by such as employ themselves in surveying the conduct of mankind, than that marriage, though the dictate of nature, and the institution of Providence, is yet very often the cause of misery, and that those who enter into that state can seldom forbear to express their repentance, and their envy of those whom either chance or caution hath withheld from it.

Most wives think of their husbands as bumbling braggarts with whom they happen to be in love.

People are reluctant to cite boredom as grounds for divorce.

Men who marry wives very much superior to themselves are not so truly husbands to their wives as they are unawares made slaves to their position.

There are few wives so perfect as not to give their husbands at least once a day good reason to repent of ever having married, or at least of envying those who are unmarried.

it's been my experience that the first few days of married life women are blind because they want to be and after that because they have to be.