Bill Maher Quotes

The most serious parody I have ever heard was this: In the beginning was nonsense, and the nonsense was with God, and the nonsense was God.

Everything needs to be lampooned. I believe that there's not any sacred ground.

At the end of the day, I always maintain you can substitute 'The Book of Mormon' for 'The Bible: The Musical' or 'The Quran: The Musical.'

Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.

I haven't watched 'Mad TV' a lot, but I have seen some stuff on there that is truly funny. You have to have some sort of attitude toward the subject, and they seem to have it. It depends on how much blood you want to draw.

I have a very dark sense of humor. I swear. I have a very playful relationship with Jesus.

In Bengal, Hindus are known to crack jokes at the expense of their gods and goddesses and that's what I did.

Irreverence is an essential part of our culture.

The only reason I'd bring a Bible out here is if I needed toilet paper.

I mean, no, I don't think anything is too far; you can make fun of anything.

I bet you a handful of Chili's coupons that Jesus had a foot fetish.

I would love him to save me a place in his team, George Best that is, not God.

Sweet weeping baby Jesus he has a six-pack to beat all six-packs!

I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.

I actually go to church. I know it's hard for you to believe. It's only because you know that Jesus on the cross? I love his smooth hairless body.

I look up to heaven only when I want to sneeze.

I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.

Humor is just truth, only faster!

If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.

If there's a heaven, I hope to hell I go!

If God had wanted us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had 10 apostles.

Great men may jest with saints; 'tis wit in them; But, in the less foul profanation.

HI. I’m from Arkansas, the cantaloupe state. And tonight, I hope you will hold my melons close to your heart and vote me your Miss Teen Dream.