Demetri Martin Quotes

I regard the theater as a woman I loved dearly who treated me like dirt.

I love seeing love. I had this one girl that I was really tryna go hard with, but it wasn't it.

I'm like, over love. Crush, smush. I can't. I'm giving up on love at this point. I'm hoping for a crush. Actually, no. I don't want a crush. I want someone to crush on me.

It's afterwards you realize that the feeling of happiness you had with a man didn't necessarily prove that you loved him.

The blind date that has stood you up: your life.

I've dated people who I thought were going to be a big deal in my life, and I've also spent long periods by myself.

I could really make a song of hurt, because I've been hurt by a lot of men. I'm talking about, like, how sad I be when a dude curves me. And I never talk about that because I refuse to let people know that I get sad because when a man don't answer my calls.

I've been dumped plenty of times, I can assure you of that.

I'll be the first one to tell you if some girl turned me down.

I hate Valentine's day. It is a day for nothing but disappointment.

When you really don't like a guy, they're all over you, and as soon as you act like you like them, they're no longer interested.

Loving an old bachelor is always a no-win situation, and you come to terms with that early on, or you go away.

I never liked the men I loved and never loved the men I liked.

Like every other girl in the world, my most embarrassing moment had to do with a guy completely turning me down. His loss!

My cards and flowers always got rejected on Valentines Day.

Next to being married, a girl likes to be crossed in love a little now and then.

Say what you will, 'tis better to be left than never to have been loved.

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.

Came but for friendship, and took away love.

I followed a guy to Denmark. I came home with a broken heart.

Most of us have been in that situation where you've been falling in love with somebody who didn't feel the same way. It's not a nice situation.

What if every relationship you've ever been in, is someone slowly figuring out they didn't like you as much as they hoped they would?

Yes I got into things with girls who only liked me because of who I was. But I learnt my lesson quickly.

No relationship. I'm not looking for one, either. I've tried it, but it's harder than it seems.

Girls rejected me a lot.