James Acaster Quotes

I hate Valentine's day. It is a day for nothing but disappointment.

I never found anyone who was good enough, who I could trust enough.

The blind date that has stood you up: your life.

I've dated people who I thought were going to be a big deal in my life, and I've also spent long periods by myself.

I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.

I regard the theater as a woman I loved dearly who treated me like dirt.

I kept thinking I was always going to meet the right man, but I never did. Kept waiting for this knight in shining armour. 'When's he coming? He's taking a long time, isn't he?'

It's afterwards you realize that the feeling of happiness you had with a man didn't necessarily prove that you loved him.

Now that I have found someone, I'm feeling more alone... than I ever have before.

Yes I got into things with girls who only liked me because of who I was. But I learnt my lesson quickly.

Crushes start out as that teenage phenomenon, life-affirming and cute, but as you wander into adulthood, they seem to end up more painful, harrowing, and uncertain, especially if you have just come out of the relationship you thought would finally, maybe, maybe be the one that stuck.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

I feel sorry for the man who marries you... because everyone thinks you're sweet and you're not.

Who is ever adequate? We all create situations each other can't live up to, then break our hearts at them because they don't.

A child's hope is that your father comes riding in on that white stallion and saves them. You can't make somebody love you the way you want them to love you, it's not a Leave it to Beaver type world. This isn't television. Life's a lot more cruel than that.

Loving an old bachelor is always a no-win situation, and you come to terms with that early on, or you go away.

Fabio kept asking me out, but I knew we'd never get his ego through the door.

I think with any sort of rejection, you're angry that you weren't enough for that person.

Life does not owe me a shred.

I never liked the men I loved and never loved the men I liked.

Breakups just hit you harder when you're younger. When I was a teenager, it felt like the most depressing thing in the world if a boy I was infatuated with didn't like me back!

All I wanted was attention from girls when I was a kid. Then I got my braces off, and then there was too much attention, and I was also mad that they didn't pay attention to me in the first place. Then I was just like, I couldn't put on blinders and focus on one because there were too many options.

I've always had horrible Valentine's Days.

I'm not always going to keep waiting for a fairytale ending.

I cannot cure myself of that most woeful of youth's follies - thinking that those who care about us will care for the things that mean much to us.