Ben Schwartz Quotes

When I was in high school, there was 'Superbad' and 'The Girl Next Door' and 'Wedding Crashers' and all these great movies. You hope to be a part of something that's smart, funny and in that Todd Phillips-vein. You want to make something like 'Superbad.' That movie was so good and so funny.

I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.

You can't be funny if you don't have good material.

At the end of the day it's got to be a good movie, it's got to be a funny movie, and it's got to make people think, 'Hey, I couldn't have spent my time any better.'

It's funny to think of Dave Chappelle's show and how popular it was and he was before YouTube. I would imagine 'Chappelle's Show' would be even more giant if there was a chance to put his stuff online and pass it around.

I've been fascinated by the Internet from the very start. In 2001, I had made a funny black-and-white film called 'How to Dance Properly,' a short video of me dancing to a Madonna song. I sent it to 17 of my friends on a Thursday, and by Monday, one million people a day were logging on to view it.

I don't spend much time on Twitter. I joined because I found it funny.

We still have that same burn, to get that same kind of laughs. So whether the studio wants us to or not, we're going to do it. The money is just a byproduct of coming out with good stuff. Our whole thing is building that rapport with the audience.

I've just always been making videos. And then I just put them online and, luckily, they all took off.

I make sort-of funny videos for the Internet that are watched by a handful of people.

But yeah, YouTube started for me straight out of high school, so 2009, because everyone was going to college except me.

There's a lot of people on Vine who don't really talk, but who are very big.

I'm not on Twitter because I'm worried I'd be really dull, which would be tragic for someone who's supposed to be funny.

Don't you think its quite weird for Prince Harry, getting really stoned and seeing your grans face appearing on your money.

Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively.

If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."

Writing this book required an enormous amount of help from friends. To them goes the credit. I'll take the money.

There are really funny alternative comics and really funny straight comics who write and perform traditionally.

It's your money. You paid for it.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am all about money. I mean, just look how well my line of zodiac-inspired toe rings and homeopathic children's medications are selling on Home Shopping Network.

Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.

If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.

Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it.