David Cross Quotes

The 'Billionaire' song is what my kids tease me with. They sing it to me. It's funny.

I find it so funny that people find me so interesting.

I've always said that instead of watching a guy juggle seven things amazingly I would rather see a really bad juggler who's really funny.

I like children - fried.

At the end of the day it's got to be a good movie, it's got to be a funny movie, and it's got to make people think, 'Hey, I couldn't have spent my time any better.'

Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested.

I always think everyone else is funnier than me. I look at other comedians and I say, 'I wish I was that good.' People think I'm funny, and I say, 'I'm not.'

All my children inherited perfect pitch.

I think it's always funny when you see kids do Shakespeare.

Don't get me wrong, there are sometimes if I go and see a really funny comedy, that I wished I had smoked a joint. I'll be honest with you. That's the truth.

I've always wanted to work with children, to help people, and to be funny.

Kids are funny.

I don't know about changing my mind regarding The One-Man Band. I've always personally found him incredibly entertaining, which is one of the reasons why, in the past, I surrounded myself with guys like him. I think he's a complete buffoon, don't get me wrong, but personally, I find him very funny.

Children are funny.

You can't have a bad time at Disney World. It's not allowed. They have hidden electronic surveillance cameras everywhere, and if they catch you failing to laugh with childlike wonder, they lock you inside a costume representing a beloved Disney character such as Goofy and make you walk about in the Florida heat getting grabbed and leaped on by violently excited children until you have learned your lesson.

Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'

Baby's room should be close enough to your room so that you can hear baby cry, unless you want to get some sleep, in which case baby's room should be in Peru.

Fatherhood is telling your daughter that Michael Jackson loves all his fans, but has special feelings for the ones who eat broccoli.

If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

I was an only child, eventually.

If I rescued a child from drowning, the press would no doubt headline the story: 'Benn grabs child

That's the authentic punk dance. It's like a child dizzy on lemonade.

He who drinks a tumbler of London water has literally in his stomach more animated beings than there are men, women, and children on the face of the globe.

Kids do say the darndest things

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am all about money. I mean, just look how well my line of zodiac-inspired toe rings and homeopathic children's medications are selling on Home Shopping Network.