Rita Rudner Quotes

Comedy is the difference between how you see a person and how they see themselves.

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.

I'm blonde and bad.

The 'Phoenix Sun' did a list of the unsexiest men in the world, and I made it to number one. I beat out Bin Laden. He's a terrorist, hasn't bathed in months. I beat him out. To me it was a great honor.

I'm a real paradox. Because I'm a very serious person, and I take my work very seriously. But I wrap it up in a court jester and a clown and make people laugh and make them feel good about themselves.

I was probably the only revolutionary ever referred to as "cute.

I'm a very serious person. Unfortunately, sometimes.

I am the ultimate Jewish mother.

I was in the De Witt Clinton Hight School marching band. One of the worst bands ever formed. When we played the national anthem, people from every country stood - except Americans.

I know I have a face like a model, but I’m actually just a goofy drama nerd underneath.

I love the laconic. Clearly, I am not of their number.

My education was interrupted only by my schooling.

It doesn't bother me when someone calls me a 'dumb blonde.' I'm neither dumb or blonde.

I've stuck to the same things for twenty years. I try to look like a slightly edgy geography teacher. Like what a geography teacher looked like when I was in school. Cords, sensible shoes and glasses. I never liked geography much as a subject though. In fact the only geography teacher I can remember from school was a woman who had a moustache.

How did I know you ran a 4:30 mile in high school? That's easy. Everyone ran a 4:30 mile in high school.

If they'd wanted a nice parrot, they wouldn't have asked for me.

We've got a lot of experience of not having any experience

I think that you can make a drama and have it be intensely funny, and vice versa.

Ultimate seriousness in not without a dose of humor.

My face felt like my normal face, as if that part of me hadn’t transformed into a bird. [Fine, Sadie. Call me the Carter-headed chicken. Happy?]

Sometimes I'm scared of being Ozzy Osbourne. But it could have been worse. I could have been Sting.

I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.

Irony is the attendant of hope and the fuel of hope is innocence.

The Ninja, as you know, operates by stealth. And so, case in point: I put out records... no one hears them! I make videos... (whispers) no one sees! I go on tour.... (whispers) no one knows! NINJA! I was never here!