Mitch Hedberg Quotes

If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!"

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I've crashed my car three times.

My first car was, as depicted in 'Sleepwalk with Me,' my mother's '92 Volvo station wagon that had 80,000 miles on it, and I had put 40,000 miles on it, so by the time it retired it had 120,000, and I basically killed it. It served me well, and my mechanic was always very angry with me because I just didn't properly care for it.

Tires were so bald on the truck that the air was showin' through, and I had to drive fifty miles an hour all the way out there, because the vibration was so bad.

I'm not very good with cars. They rebel against me.

When I am driving my car down the street, I try not to go down the potholes.

In the car business, sometimes you crash.

For 'Death Car' I had three vehicles for the leading lady, because you never know when something is going to go wrong. You can blow a tire or start spinning around and hit a lamppost.

Let me tell about Tennessee. If your car breaks down in Tennessee, you have just moved to Tennessee.

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There is water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

Automobiles are dangerous as all get-out.

I've never wanted to drive a car fast for the sake of it. I mean, I like nice cars. I've got the Bentley, I've had a Lotus, I've had a Rolls-Royce and a few Jaguars, including an E-type. But I'm not somebody for driving tremendously fast.

No, no I don't speed or anything. I drive a VW Touareg so.

There are some shocking cars on the road.

My mother taught me to drive using the 'Detroit Method,' where speed limits and traffic lights are taken as cute suggestions.

As a driver, I will always be the same guy.

My first car was a second-hand Padmini Standard that I bought for '25,000 in 1985. It was a lot of money for me. The Padmini Standard was one of those small cars which was very popular during that time. However, I never drove the car and still don't drive one.

As a driver, you have to accept that some years are more challenging than others. That's part of the game.

I normally try to drive carefully.

I'm one guy who loves to drive to work.

When you have fast cars and bad luck, it's a lot easier to handle than having slow cars and bad luck.

I've always had good connections with cars and always knew how to fix them, so I didn't have trouble with breakdowns.

Back when I was a young lad, I'm not condoning this, but there wasn't as much traffic on the roads. My dad used to drive a Hillman Avenger, and he would take me on the road driving that.