Don Rickles Quotes

I'm not a good joke teller.

Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.

I can never tell a joke, I've always found it easier to just fall over.

When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.

I've never really told jokes. I'm not good at it.

Actually I never did stand up. I'm not that funny.

To be a comedian, you gotta jokesmith, there's no way around it.

I never used to tell jokes on stage. Now I'm cutting up jokes all night long.

Dick Martin, if you put a gun to his forehead, he couldn't tell you a joke.

My whole life, I've been telling jokes.

I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.

A joke is a way to say, 'I'm going to do something funny now. If I don't get a laugh at the end, I'm a failure.'

I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes.

I don't know any jokes, which is embarrassing. I wish I did.

I can't crack jokes because I don't have any.

I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.

If you have the right voice and the right delivery, you're cocky enough, and you pound down on the punch line, you can say anything and make people laugh maybe three times before they realize you're not telling jokes.

Personally - and I don't mean to brag - my jokes have been falling flat for most of my life.

I had no desire to get up onstage and tell jokes. I prefer to stand next to really funny people.

I couldn't tell a story if my life depended on it. I'm the world's worst joke-teller.

I believe it is tough to be funny and tougher to make people laugh. And it needs to be been done effortlessly. A joke can be comedy, but one can kill the joke if it is delivered badly.

To be honest, I wasn't the best stand-up comic.

I seem to get into situations that make people laugh, but I don't consider myself that funny of a person. I'm not witty. I'm kind of slow in conversations. I'm not that articulate with jokes. The first time I made stuff and screened it for an audience, I was surprised what people were laughing at.

I tell the most horrible jokes.

When you're doing stand-up, you can comment if something fails, get a laugh from that.