Humor Failure Quotes

I don't mind a crowd's not laughing; it's the groans that slow down the show.

My daughter doesn't even get my humor. She's like, 'Um, no. I don't get it, Dad. Mmm, no, not that one, Dad.'

If you're going to do a Chris Christie joke, just say, 'Christie spent $82,000 at a concession stand at MetLife Stadium. Then he turned to his friends and said, 'You guys want anything?'' That's a joke. I can't believe it. I caved in. I feel awful.

I'm terrible at practical jokes. I do them too well, so they're not funny. I end up saying, 'Oh, no, I'm joking, I'm joking.'

Clumsy jesting is no joke.

When comedy fails, seriousness begins to leak back in.

Some people, they just don't get a joke.

I told jokes badly.

That's the thing, you see, we were never good enough to write proper punchlines.

I remember the first joke that I made, which went over terribly. I was at my cousin's birthday party in Brooklyn. I was a little kid and she was a little older. They were going around introducing themselves; I was probably four, and I was very eager to impress all of these older New York kids. They went down the line and were like, "I'm Jake," "I'm Jane," "I'm Silvia," and I said, "I'm hungry," because I thought that was really going to bring the house down.

I'm not a good joke teller.

Humor is hard, hard, hard. And if you fail with humor, you don't fail halfway. You drop the ball humor-wise and everyone notices.

I'm just not very funny.

Dick Martin, if you put a gun to his forehead, he couldn't tell you a joke.

I cracked one joke and I was the 'Funkasaurus.'

My mother and father were very strange people. They tried to be funny which is always very sad to me.

Shakespeare - it's not funny. No matter how they try to make Shakespeare funny, when it's meant to be funny it's not funny.

If I'm in an uncomfortable situation, I think I can say something funny to defuse it. Sometimes you can't.

I swear and it comes off a little angry, no matter how funny I'm trying to do it. If I use certain words with a certain intensity, it's like 'Whoa whoa whoa, buddy buddy!'

Over the past 50 years Bob Hope employed 88 joke writers who supplied him with more than one million gags, and he still couldn't make me laugh.

The worst thing ever that you have to explain your joke because I was very disappointed trying to explain why the joke is funny for the interrogator.

People who laugh so heartily at what they themselves have said, when it is not funny, dispense us accordingly, by taking upon themselves the responsibility for the mirth, from joining in it.

Everyone says that I have no sense of humor, then I construct a perfectly sound pun around a well-known psychological condition, and it is ignored.

I've never cackled with laughter at a single line I've ever written. None of it has given me pleasure.

I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres.