Hector Hugh Munro Quotes

Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.

I hate babies.

Babies are like the smallest, drunkest people you know.

I'm disgusted by babies, and I'm so sorry, I'm just being honest. They make me sick.

Out of my sight! Thou dost infect mine eyes.

All people naturally hate. My kid bites people now. I didn't teach my kid to bite anybody. Kids say mean stuff. Only through love do we get this evil out of them. Only through love and structure and discipline do they not hate. The kids that hate didn't learn anything, that's the problem.

Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does, right?

People often ask me, "What's the difference between couplehood and babyhood?" In a word? Moisture. Everything in my life is now more moist. Between your spittle, your diapers, your spit-up and drool, you got your baby food, your wipes, your formula, your leaky bottles, sweaty baby backs, and numerous other untraceable sources-all creating an ever-present moistness in my life, which heretofore was mainly dry.

I love babies. I could take care of them for all the days of my life and I'd be happy. It is for sure passion No. 1.

Let your first interest be in your home. The baby you hold in your arms will grow quickly as the sunrise and the sunset of the rushing days.

You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled-up newspaper?

Having a baby, it's like a five year commitment.

What are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They can't even walk straight.

There's some people that are 24 hours with the baby and it doesn't make a difference. They could be anywhere.

Baby, everything is alright, uptight, out of sight.

Babies are unreasonable; they expect far too much of existence. Each new generation that comes takes one look at the world, thinks wildly, "Is this all they've done to it?" and bursts into tears.

I love kids. All my best friends have kids, and I love, love, love kids.

There's a Drunk Midget in My House Ah, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts. Like most people who have had one baby, I am an expert on everythiing and will tell you, unsolicited, how to raise your kid!

Because when you hate something, you stop doing it.

Babies who have not yet been taught to speak any language are the only race of the earth, the race of man: all the rest is pretence, what we call civilization, hatred, fear, desire for strength.

You don't take your newborn baby, put that baby on your lap, and say, "Now listen, kid, you were born in sin, you're not worth anything, and you've got to pray for mercy." That's not going to raise a healthy adult. And that's what we do Sunday after Sunday after Sunday.

Some things I never learned to like. I didn't like to kiss babies, though I didn't mind kissing their mothers.

Being a parent is about your survival. Surviving the terrible two's is the most important thing. Kids get heavy. Quite literally. They're heavy to lift up when they're throwing tantrums.

~I got pregnant, and I was like, 'Oh God, it worked! Oh no!' Chris [Ivery, her husband] and I were super happy, then I got terrified! Will I know how to do everything right? Of course, nobody does everything right, but as long as your baby is the priority, that's the best you can do.~