Chelsea Handler Quotes

I like kids but I also like the option to close the door. Becoming a parent is a whole other life, and it doesn't stop.

To have a child is to be impaled daily on the spike of responsibility.

Now people think it's cool to have a baby, but it ain't cool to take care of it. We have to change that. You make your life for that baby. That's the future.

Having a baby is like suddenly getting the world's worst roommate.

You need a whole community to raise a child. I have raised two children, alone.

I may adopt. I love children and I do feel the need to take the legacy forward. I am open to it, but emotionally you have to be ready for it. Raising a child is really a huge responsibility. And I should have that time and emotional energy to give to child. How and when is a decision my mother and I will take a few years from now.

I just feel that if you're going to have kids, you need to believe that, emotionally, you can give them a really good life.

Motherhood is quite challenging. Everyday is a whole new adventure with your child.

Of children as of procreation -- the pleasure momentary, the posture ridiculous, the expense damnable

Although there are many trial marriages... there is no such thing as a trial child.

People often ask me, "What's the difference between couplehood and babyhood?" In a word? Moisture. Everything in my life is now more moist. Between your spittle, your diapers, your spit-up and drool, you got your baby food, your wipes, your formula, your leaky bottles, sweaty baby backs, and numerous other untraceable sources-all creating an ever-present moistness in my life, which heretofore was mainly dry.

Motherhood is an essential, difficult, and full-time job. Women who do not wish to be mothers should not have babies.

We [women] have borne and bred and washed and taught, perhaps to the age of six or seven years, the one thousand six hundred and twenty-three million human beings who are, according to statistics, at present in existence, and that ... takes time.

I'm not saying to be happy you must be married. Nor am I saying that to be happy you need children. I'm saying that if you opt for children - be you man or woman - you have to take care of them.

When you wake up one day and say, "You know what? I don't think I ever need to sleep or have sex again." Congratulations, you're ready (to have children).

Honestly, we'd probably be great parents. But it's a human being, and unless you think you have excellent skills and have a drive or yearning in you to do that, the amount of work that that is and responsibility - I wouldn't want to screw them up! We love our animals.

We had a kid. The kid was awesome. She didn't fall asleep easily. We complained about it. We got frustrated. But we didn't look for an out. We just accepted that this was part of parenting.

I really believe that if you're going to bring a child into the world, it's your job to parent that world. Especially if it's just you; you don't pawn her off on somebody.

Having a son is not all pleasure.

I'd always imagined that one day I would be a father, but mostly it was off my radar. I admired friends who had somehow figured out how to cross that threshold.

I'd like to have a kid, but I'd probably get a Frank Sinatra Jr. instead of a Gilbert Gottfried Jr. I'd totally screw up like that.

All of these things we do without children, and suddenly we don't do them anymore, and it comes home to us in a real way, that it's very different to have the responsibility of a child.

There is nothing more boring for an intelligent woman than to spend endless amounts of time with small children.

I think people need to commit to one another before they commit to bringing children into the world because that's the optimum arrangement for children, not to take anything at all away from women who have to rear their children by themselves.

Parenting is not for everybody. It changes your life. Especially when they're little.