J. B. Smoove Quotes

The cliches are all true! My son Max has just turned two, and he's literally turned into this driven young man overnight! The terrible twos are not a myth, but he's such a laugh to be around.

My children, twins who are three years old, they're awful creatures right now.

Bringing up children on my own was quite a busy time.

Dealing with kids, you're always going to have to deal with something. I mean, they're kids.

As much as we teach our kids, the process teaches us. If we're being diligent, we're learning from our strengths as parents, but also from the mistakes that we make.

I firmly believe, however, that if your children have never hated you, you have failed as a parent.

I think that parents only get so offended by television because they rely on it as a babysitter and the sole educator of their kids.

Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does, right?

(About parenting:) ... all that tedium, broken up by little spurts of high drama.

I think part of being a parent is trying to kill your kids.

Raising a child is like taking care of someone who's on way too many shrooms, while you yourself are on a moderate amount of shrooms. I am not confident in my decisions, but I know you should not be eating a mousepad.

You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled-up newspaper?

The better you are as a parent, the richer the nest you've built, the more difficult it is for your kids to leave. So they have to invent things to dislike about you. And they're brilliant at it.

They [Mark and Jay Duplass] both have young kids and talk about parenting all the time. So they get it. So they knew that it was a very delicate time and they knew that it was a lot. All it did was make me want to protect them from - and protect production from - any kind of burden.

Having a kid is great... as long as his eyes are closed and he's not moving or speaking.

I also have two children under three who keep me up all night and don't seem to understand the benefits of sitting in silence, which has presented an interesting challenge.

Being a parent is absolutely exhausting and draining, along with all the joy and love.

A parent knows better than any book or "expert" what their kid really needs.

Kids haven't changed much, but parents seem increasingly unhappy with the child raising phase of their lives.

It's difficult to parent one kid, let alone five! It's insane. It's this strange, overwhelming mess that I would not trade for anything. I think it's more difficult in New York City. It's not like we can hop in the minivan and go somewhere. I don't own a car. It's chaos anywhere. Being a parent is difficult. Being a son and a daughter is difficult. It's a human relationship.

Families survive the terrible twos because toddlers aren't strong enough to kill with their hands and aren't capable of using lethal weapons.

Now it's not D.T.F., It's now, diapers, tantrums and formula.

Good parents have children who do terrible things and vice-versa.

Parenting is really just a matter of tracking, of hoping your kids do not get so far ahead you can no longer see their next moves.

When you have five little kids, you're not going to open Mindy Kaling's latest book. You're playing with your kids.