Adam Sandler Quotes

I'll never get sick of raising my children, but other people might get sick of them.

Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does, right?

My kids were completely out of control, while I was working fifteen hours a day plus weekends. I screamed a lot, something I'm not particularly proud of, but it was that or firearms.

Being a parent is about your survival. Surviving the terrible two's is the most important thing. Kids get heavy. Quite literally. They're heavy to lift up when they're throwing tantrums.

I think part of being a parent is trying to kill your kids.

I have a four year old and I'm telling you we did Nickelodeon last night and he embarrassed me. It was like one of those moments when I couldn't believe my kid is acting like this. I just had to just like walk away from him because he was really pushing my buttons.

I love my kids, they are amazing children, but they drive me bananas sometimes. And sometimes, I want to sell them on eBay... but I'm not going to.

Again, with two small children it's incredibly hard to commit yourself to anything because you're just getting interested in it and someone comes along and goes I want Thomas The Tank Engine on, and screams the place down until you put it on.

My children, twins who are three years old, they're awful creatures right now.

When two kids are being completely berserk, and they're naked and throwing food around, sometimes I just let it go because I can see a future where they're going to be dressed, and they're going to be at school. So I kind of let stuff go sometimes.

The problems children bring get bigger as they get older.

Having a two-year-old is very hard. I feel like I'm in a relationship with an emotionally unstable woman who is also physically abusive and never gets in trouble for it.

Suddenly we have a baby who poops and cries, and we are trying to calm, clean up, and pin things together all at once. Then as fast as we learn to cope--so soon--it is hard to recall why diapers ever seemed so important. The frontiers change, and now perhaps we have a teenager we can't reach.

Children, when they are little, they make parents fools; when great, mad.

I sadly want a reform in the construction of children. Nature's only idea seems to be to make them machines for the production of incessant noise.

It's weird people think my kids will be in therapy because of their names. Guys, my kids will be therapy for LOTS of reasons, I'm sure.

There are a million moving parts to raising kids, and you can't always anticipate them all, especially when they are teenagers and their peers play such a huge role in their lives. If you offer independence, there is one kind of pitfall; if you shelter them too much, there is another. And sometimes you do everything right and something bad just happens. It's as simple, and as scary, as that.

(About parenting:) ... all that tedium, broken up by little spurts of high drama.

Don't bring your sand toys to the park. That's another bad move. Because I go to the park, and I'm on the Vicodin and a little weed too - let's face it - and I go in there, and my wife's like, 'Bring the sand toys! Bring the sand toys!' And I know what happens every single time: I become sand toy repo man from the eight little kids that run off in nine different directions with my sand toys.

I have a four-and-a-half-year-old and, when she was two and a half, she would make my wife and I do voices, like Woody and Jessie the Cowgirl, or Elmo, or Yogi Bear and Booboo. If we didn't do it, she would scream at us. So, my wife and I would have adult conversations as Yogi Bear and Booboo. It was just a nightmare year.

I'd hate to have a kid like me.

Parenting is a constant struggle between making your kids life better and ruining your own.

Good parents have children who do terrible things and vice-versa.

Raising a child is like taking care of someone who's on way too many shrooms, while you yourself are on a moderate amount of shrooms. I am not confident in my decisions, but I know you should not be eating a mousepad.

I went into designing my house thinking I could have some more expensive items because I didn't realize my kids were going to be animals.