Jen Kirkman Quotes

American voters tend to make their decisions based on a variety of vectors. Professional political satirists employ rather more scientific criteria. Namely: who will provide us with better material over the next four years?

Sarah Palin gave a speech in South Korea. Just what the Koreans needed: Two crazy dictators in fashionable lady's glasses.

I think The New Yorker's cartoons aren't very political because the people who do the cartoons aren't awfully political people, and they aren't paid to be political. I think editorial cartoonists are. That's what they do. They probably have a great natural interest in politics, and then they are paid to do it, so they sort of have to hunt out these ideas. I admire editorial cartoons, but I'm also sort of happy that I don't do them because I'd hate to have to label things and I'd especially hate, more than anything, to label something Dennis Hastert or Mark Foley.

Everybody says not enough people vote. Now, I don't know nothing, but after the midterms, pretty obvious to me, that too many people vote.

That fatal drollery called a representative government.

Chris Rock does the political thing really well, but that never worked for me.

It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything.

Each party steals so many articles of faith from the other, and the candidates spend so much time making each other's speeches, that by the time election day is past there is nothing much to do save turn the sitting rascals out and let a new gang in.

From my experience, politicians are much more uncomfortable being made fun of than they are being preached at and screeched at - you know, and the soapbox routine. They're much more uneasy knowing they're a target of ridicule.

I'd like to run for office someday, but I'm afraid my ability to spell might give me an unfair advantage.

Whoever's president I'm not going to be short on material.

I didn’t think that I would ever get elected. After all, you don’t vote for somebody who is attacking Santa Claus.

So go ahead with your program, President Trump. That why the people voted for you -- except the majority of them didn't.

If you wanted to hear politics, you'd go to Henry Kissinger; you wouldn't go to hear Jackie Mason. The reason I speak about politics is because I know I can get a laugh out of it.

You call my candidate a horse thief, and I call yours a lunatic, and we both of us know it's just till election day. It's an American custom, like eating corn on the cob. And, afterwards, we settle down quite peaceably and agree we've got a pretty good country - until next election.

One person, one vote sounds so reasonable and - dare I say it - democratic. But the voting process in America is anything but fair and balanced.

There is no evidence of widespread voter fraud during the 2016 elections or any relatively recent election.

It's a one-day story of a guy called Newton Kumar, and the backdrop is election: how the most powerful tool we have as citizens is vote but how we don't utilise it. We really don't give importance to it. It talks about democracy; it's a satire, a black comedy.

I stay far away from political humor.

John Kerry now getting slammed by the Republicans because of a botched joke he did about President Bush and Iraq in a recent speech. Kerry was stunned about this. He said, 'What? People are listening to my speeches?'

It's very difficult to speak to a large group of people these days and not offend someone. I know people walk around with their feelings on their shoulders waiting for you to say something - ahh - did you hear that? And they can't hear anything else you say. The PC police are out in force at all times.

Wit puts politicians at risk.

They got some people that are saying, hey, elect me as president. Hey, Washington couldn't handle Si Robertson. Trust me.

President Obama and Mitt Romney both gave commencement speeches over the last few days. Obama was like, 'You can be whatever you want to be,' while Romney was like, 'I can be whatever you want me to be.'

I hear these people saying [Barack Obama]'s like George Bush. Those people ought to be drug tested. I mean, it's crazy.