Groucho Marx Quotes

I have tipped waiters, and I have been tipped by waiters.

I wish I had the nerve not to tip.

If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick.

All I ask is that you tip your waiters and waitresses. We have to turn this situation around.

You eat the room service employees every time?” Denise asked, shocked. “Of course. But don’t fret on their behalf. I always tip well.

The word "tip" stands for "to insure promptness." So when should you give it? Up front,of course. Sophisticated people don't take chances on poor service, they insure good service.

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

I think we should just tip the government if it does a good job. Fifteen percent is the standard tip, isn't it?

If you're a waiter and you're waiting on me, you might get five percent, you might get seventy percent. It depends on how bad my math skills are that day.

I didn't realize people tip for take-out.

I wish we had a system where you are given a bill including service and that people were paid properly so they didn't have to rely on tips. In different restaurants there are different policies and it's all very confusing.

I don't understand why people expect tips. In hotels you order food in your room, and it's already more expensive from the room service menu, so it's a cheek to expect a tip on top. I do sometimes reward good service, but it should be at my discretion, and I'm not going to be held to ransom.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

Know how and how much to tip people who expect gratuities, even in the case of poor service.

Just to be honest, like I always am, I tip on my service. I think it's a difference between good service and bad service, and just having a bad day.

I hate it in America where the protocol seems to be you are expected to tip regardless of the quality of service. I like to tip when it's not being demanded of me, and if the service has been good, I tip quite generously.

Understand tipping culture. Whereas Americans tip 15-20% when dining out, most European countries don't tip, as a service charge is typically included in the bill. Make sure you're not over-tipping by doing research before traveling.

If I ran a national burger franchise - which I don't - I'd make it a rule that no two customers can be greeted with precisely the same words and that every third customer must be grossly insulted as a matter of course. Just to keep the atmosphere nice and lively. And to keep the staff laughing.

The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.

They always give you three ketchup packets. When you go back up and ask for more, the guy handing them out always treats you like you're taking from his personal stash. "Looks like my kids aren't having ketchup tonight."

Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say "Thank you." That's now escalated into "You care care of yourself, now." The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, "Don't put off that mammogram."

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

I asked a shop owner if he could help me out. He said: "What way did you come in?"

I went into a butchers and I said, 'I'll have a pound of sausages. 'He said, 'I'm very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here. 'I said, 'Okay then I'll have a pound of kilos.'

So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".