Dennis Miller Quotes

I guess that I've always wanted to be a Bond villain.

I want portray a Bond villain. I think I'd give Bond a great run as the villain.

I think the James Bond thing has sailed. But of course I would want to be a Bond villain. They are great parts. I think it's highly unlikely, but one can always dream.

I can't tell people how much fun it is to be a super-villain. Being a villain is cool, but being a supervillain is a different level of exciting.

I'd love to be some sort of villain in a big-budget action movie. Or a superhero franchise. That'd be rad.

I think I would be a good villain in a James Bond movie.

Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, "I'm not racist, but..." I say, "I'm not racist, but you look great today." They say, "That wasn't racist at all." I said, "I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican."

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

Somewhere around the place I've got an unfinished short story about Schrodinger's Dog; it was mostly moaning about all the attention the cat was getting.

People associate long hair with drug use. I wish people associated long hair with something other than drug use, like an extreme longing for cake. And then strangers would see a long haired guy and say, "That guy eats cake!" "He is on bundt cake!" Mothers saying to their daughters, "Don't bring the cake eater over here anymore. He smells like flour. Did you see how excited he got when he found out your birthday was fast approaching?"

In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I'm sorry, did I say 'scientists'? I meant Irish people.

Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.

Never trust a man with short legs. His brains are too near his bottom.

If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.

To be reminded that one is very much like other members of the animal kingdom is often funny...though...I do not too much mind being somewhat like a cat.

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'.

I think how tan a person is, is directly proportionate to how dumb they are.

While I'm trying to be a villain, Tyler Posey's just making me break character all the time. It's hilarious.

My whole family thinks I'm gay, I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk, Makes them think I like... boys.

Somebody broke into my house once, this is a good time to call the police, but mm mm, nope. The house was too nice. It was a real nice house, but they'd never believe i lived in it. They'd be like 'He's still here!

Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot, but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!

Back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid. Well, that and faggot.

Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.

Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.

The place was so British, I wouldn't have been surprised if the mice wore monocles.