Phyllis Diller Quotes

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

There's no such thing as old age. I'm no different now than I was 50 years ago. I'm just having more fun.

My kids think I'm old and over the hill.

Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs.

I was always the youngest boy in my class at high school. I have retained this feeling of being the youngest, even though now I am almost the oldest person I know.

A truly great book should be read in youth, again in maturity and once more in old age, as a fine building should be seen by morning light, at noon and by moonlight.

I may be getting old, but not foolish.

You know you're getting old when all the names in your black book have M. D. after them.

I find I'm an old soul.

In old age we are like a batch of letters that someone has sent. We are no longer in the past, we have arrived.

I hate getting old, but I'm sticking with it!

Few people know how to be old.

The more the years go by, the more difficult it gets. I'm getting old.

I've said it once and I'll say it a a hundred times, I'm forty-four years old.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Someone once said that you can make the choice between getting old and getting creepy, and I think getting old is the way to go.

You don't see me in Los Angeles a lot. I go back home. Because I can't play the game. I can't - my tolerance - I know I'm getting old; I'll be 50 this year. And you know how I know I'm getting old? 'Cause my tolerance level is low.

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

Nothing makes one old so quickly as the ever-present thought that one is growing older.

Now there is this whole terror about getting old. Today, that fascination with youth is overrated. What's so special about being young? I just say that because I'm old.

You know you're old when you've lost all your marvels.

Hopes are like hair ornaments. Girls want to wear too many of them. When they become old women they look silly wearing even one.

I'm getting so old, I don't even buy green bananas anymore.