Eugene Mirman Quotes

I clearly had one drink too many and I am deeply embarrassed about the things I said.

Well it's hard to remember who, but I drunk dial a lot.

I have such a big mouth.

And you, madam, are ugly, but I shall be sober in the morning.

Sometimes, my mouth can get the better of me.

I have drunk and seen the spider.

You've already got a natural glow, kind of of, cuz you're drunk, so just make it like way more intense, everybody loves someone who's so red in the face. Are you embarrassed? No, I'm just excited to be here. I'm normal, I swear. Do you want my phone number?

Anthony raised his red plastic cup to me and shouted something, but it was too hard to hear over the music. “What?” I called back. “You look great!” A goofy smile was plastered on his face. “Oh boy,” Vee said. “Not just a pimp, but a smashed pimp.” “So maybe he’s a little drunk.” “Drunk and hoping to corner you alone in a bedroom upstairs.” Ugh.

I was somewhat drunk with what I had done. And I am always one to prefer being sober.

Whenever I have talked to anyone at too great length, I am like a man who has drunk too much, and ashamed, doesn't know where to put himself.

Honey, don't walk out, I'm too drunk to follow.

I can't believe I gave my panties to a geek.

Well, upon my soul! You are not ashamed to stand there and confess yourself a disgusting drunkard.

I am ashamed every day, and more ashamed the next.

Barmaid, bring a pitcher, another round of brew. Honey, why don't we get drunk and screw?

He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he was penitent, he was invariably in the very last stage of maudlin intoxication. He was a ragged, roving, roaring kind of fellow, with a burly form, a sharp wit, and a ready head, and could turn his hand to anything when he chose to do it.

It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race.

You have to be always drunk. That's all there is to it-it's the only way. So as not to feel the horrible burden of time that breaks your back and bends you to the earth, you have to be continually drunk. But on what? Wine, poetry or virtue, as you wish. But be drunk.

This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life!

In order not to feel time's horrid fardel bruise your shoulders, grinding you into the earth, get drunk and stay that way. On what? On wine, poetry, virtue, whatever. But get drunk!

I become drunk as circumstances dictate.

Some of you fellers are getting 'Whiskey Slick.'

Getting drunk was good. I decided that I would always like getting drunk. It took away the obvious and maybe if you could get away from the obvious often enough, you wouldn't become so obvious yourself.

Look, this is an odd question, but you're kind of cute and you're pretty nice to me. Are you drunk? It's OK if you are.

Everybody get drunk and make bad decisions.