Dylan Moran Quotes

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

I'm not saying that women don't think about sex also. I'm saying that women are capable, for at least brief periods of time, of not thinking about sex, and that most guys are not.

I also use women as a sex object; maybe I'm kinky. However, I like to talk to them as well.

If men want sex they'll find it.

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man.

When education will reduce the large size of the Negro’s penis, as well as bring about the sensitiveness of the terminal fibers which exist in the Caucasian, then will it also be able to prevent the African’s birthright to sexual madness and excess.

A man who fails is funny... if my sketches teach anything, it is that, for the male, sex is a snare and a delusion. What's so corrupting about that?

I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".

I will probably have sex with Eminem after the show is over. Probably, I dont see why I wouldnt. Im fair game, its not like Im that picky, youve seen the guys Ive dated. I like Swizz Beatz, just because I would like to yell out in bed, Swizz Beatz! Keep it coming!

Sex has been around for a long time. You may not believe this, but it was around before I was.

Let me get one thing straight; I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice; no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.

I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater.

We, in America, are so screwed up when it comes to sex. That's all we can see.

There are statistics out that say 20 year olds, 18 years olds think about sex 90 percent of the time. They only don't think about sex when they're eating, and that's rare.

Some women were talking about how I put out. And that's just not that case. I don't put out - unless I'm asked very, very politely, and that's not putting out, that's just giving in.

Fat people are brilliant in bed. If I'm sitting on top of you, who's going to argue?

No matter how much you know, no matter how much you think, no matter how much you plot and you connive and you plan, you're not superior to sex. It's a very risky game.... It's sex that disorders our normally ordered lives.

I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

We think about sex obsessively except during the act, when our minds tend to wander.

I am always hungry and wanting to have sex. This is a fact.

One puzzling thing about men -- they allow their sex instinct to drive them to where their intelligence never would take them.

I am not ruled by sex. I never have been.

I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.

I just think women are funnier than men.