Chelsea Handler Quotes

I used to do a lot of drugs. I didn't stop because I didn't enjoy them; I stopped because I couldn't handle the commitment.

I didn't know my dad for a long time. My dad was on drugs and my dad was at the VA Hospital, my dad was off in his own world selling drugs or using them or there would be crack heads in the house or whatever it would be.

I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.

I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?

I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!

I used to do drugs, but that was way back there.

You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried, you float.

I love drugs, but I hate hangovers, and the hatred of the hangover wins by a landslide every time.

I didn't do drugs, I never did do drugs. Never. I don't have any story of drugs, you know, to speak of. Never did drugs, never was interested in drugs and then I wasn't interested in the people around the drugs.

I saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It's a big landfill.

I really have a problem with any kind of drug, I always have.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

It touches on drug use. I got caught up in that for almost two years.

I didn't have to undergo reconstructive surgery.

When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.

One of my dearest friends is alive only because of AA. But it doesn't help a lot of people. And everyone is different, and everyone needs different kinds of treatments.

It's funny, because when you tell people you've stopped drinking, there's an automatic reaction. People ask, 'Was it a lifestyle choice or were you waking up in a skip?'

I have a great surgeon that put me together.

The way I figure it, if you can't tell I'm high by looking at me, I win.

Is this the 5:00 Free Crack Giveaway?

In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.

If you're a drug addict, then you've always got drugs, so you're a criminal. So you're gonna get into problems.

I had my appendix out when I was 11, and that was the last time I was in a hospital. That was a one-night deal. So I've spent basically one night in a hospital.

Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.

Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don't smoke... tumors.